A Lovely, Lovely Letter

Regular reader(s) of this humble “weblog” well know that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have oft excoriated the authors of dimwitted letters to the editor of various high-profile newspapers. There’s something delightful about ripping on a sanctimonious missive, and we consider it one of the great joys of our humble e-outfit to demolish a really lame epistle. (For those unaware of this portion of our e-oeuvre, here’s a charming example.)

Given our penchant for ridiculing letters to the editor, it will come as no surprise to you that we regularly troll around the “websites” of sundry newspapers, in search of frighteningly obtuse missives. As you might well imagine, dear reader, The New York Times proves to be a locus classicus of horrid letters: The Gray Lady appears to bring out the pertinacious self-puffery in us all. Or, at least, in tofu-swilling, Volvo-driving, NPR-listening popinjays.

But surely another prime location for jejune letters to the editor can be found on the comment page of The Guardian, a left-wing UK rag seemingly dedicated to enabling a Muslim jihad against the West. (So far, so good, fellahs.) The typical Guardian reader likes Noam Chomsky only slightly more than Tariq Ramadan—and esteems them both only slightly less than his BMW. The newspaper is, then, a veritable Twit Central.

Imagine our collective surprise, then, upon finding a genuinely brilliant missive in this disreputable British rag. Before we reproduce it below, allow us to set the scene.

As you may know, numerous British academics have again sullied their reputation by supporting an official boycott against Israeli scholars. In so doing, our professorial pals have demonstrated their grand regard for collective punishment—harming all Israelis for the perceived sins of their government, whether the Israelis in question support their government’s actions or not.

Naturally, our limey academic buddies aren’t concerned about the manifold injustices of other governments: Iran; Syria; North Korea; Cuba; Sudan; China; Russia; &c. Or, at least, they haven’t established any myopic boycott against the citizens of these countries. Only Israelis have received their official scorn. How curious.

Naturally, these pious professors disesteem what they see as the collective punishment of Muslims. They detest, for example, racial profiling at airports, since it forces a feeling of collective guilt on the part of Muslims.

Ah, but they’re not so careful in regard to the Jews, now are they? And the professors’ knavery has compelled one Gunter Lawson of London to write the following delicious letter to the editor:

The government is supposed to want university lecturers to spy on students and report those exhibiting signs of political extremism. It seems they may have got this the wrong way round.

What can you say? Brilliant! Simply brilliant!

Congratulations, Mr. Lawson, for restoring our faith in readers of The Guardian. At least a few of them aren’t incorrigible nincompoops.