Contractual Obligation “Post”

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” don’t exactly run the most esteemed “weblog” on Al Gore’s World-Wide Web. Or even, we hasten to add, the second-most esteemed.

This may be the result of our fearsome reliance on a one-post-per-diem format. In addition, our well nigh “governmental” attitude to holidays could also influence our charming lack of e-popularity.

By this we mean that we enjoy taking a break from our “posting” schedule on holidays. Any holidays. Ash Wednesday; Sukkot; Ramadan; Arbor Day—you name it, we, like Britney Spears with her underwear, take it off. Heck, we’d even skip out from our e-job on Joseph Stalin Day, if it meant a few hours of rest and relaxation.

(Have our friends in the Ivy League failed to promote an official Joseph Stalin Day? Why not? It could replace that wretched Columbus Day—where Alger Hiss Day hasn’t already done so.)

It is with some consternation, then, that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” recognized something: We “posted” on Memorial Day. We know, we know: How the heck did that happen?

Quite frankly, dear reader, we’re not that sure. We always figured that our friends on the political Left—ardent patriots that they are—forgot about Memorial Day. After all, it valorizes the human tools of Western imperialism. Or so we’re told.

But fear not: We aim to make up for our horrific lapse.

How so? Well, we’re glad we made you ask. By offering a half-assed “post” on a day we normally offer our typical e-genius.

If you haven’t already guessed, dear reader, that day is today. Enjoy.