Basking in the E-Glow

As you might well imagine, dear reader, “weblogging” has its fair share of perquisites. The mainstream media insult you as a no-talent pseudo-hack; unhinged detractors send you vitriolic e-mail; clueless weirdoes find your “website” through searches for “naked midget porn”—these are just a few of the delights the average “weblogger” enjoys these days. Man, it feels good.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have sure enjoyed our fair share of e-perks. And no wonder: After three full storied years on Al Gore’s World-Wide Web, we routinely feast on the intangibles to be enjoyed on the Internet.

Allow us to offer a charming example. Many of our reader(s) undoubtedly recognize that we serve as guest Sunday essayists for the heavy-hitter “weblog” Wizbang. In fact, we’ve offered a weekly lucubration there for some time—long enough, we’d have thought, to wear out our welcome.

Unlike our humble “weblog,” dear reader, Wizbang allows reader comments. That is to say, it publishes the moronic retorts that its Mongoloid readership offers in response to its sundry “posts.”

Why do they do this? Well, we’d guess, to reap the rewards that such intellectual giants as “jp2” routinely bestow upon us.

Now who, you may be asking yourself, is “jp2”? “Jp1”’s less successful clone? Hardly. In fact, we’d say, the smartest fellow since Einstein. Perhaps even Socrates.

And we know this because “jp2” has been sufficiently kind to offer many deeply serious ruminations on our humble Wizbang “posts.” Take, for example, part of his splendid response to our piece entitled “W(h)ither Democracy?”:

Now stop calling yourself "crack." You aren't "crack" and I certainly doubt you are "young" since your writing style is that of a bitter old woman who happens to have a thesaurus nearby and way too much time to waste on it.

Warms the cockles of the heart, does it not? And no wonder: We’ve long desired to come across like “an old woman who happens to have a thesaurus nearby and way too much time to waste on it.” Ah, it’s a dream come true! All our Internet prayers have been answered.

Still, “jp2”’s careful reflection on our superannuated sordidness made us wonder. If we, the crack young staff of the “Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are merely some old coot with too much time on her hands, what does one say about the fellow who regularly troubles himself to comment on the work of an old coot with too much time on her hands?

Could that guy have much of a life?

Well, at least we’re pretty sure that “jp2” is a young guy. After all, his writing style “is that of a retarded six-year-old.”