April 10, 2007

The Week of Loathing (Day the Second): Alec Baldwin

Well, dear reader, we have come upon the second day in our Fourth Annual Week of Loathing. A fine day it is, too. Undoubtedly you are savoring a savage hectoring. And today’s target comes from a group often on our collective radar screen of irritants—professional actors. Ah, just typing the words “professional actors” makes the blood boil a bit, does it not? Such is certainly the case for today’s whipping boy: Alec Baldwin.

Now, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have to admit that Alec Baldwin—unlike his myriad sleazy brothers—has a modicum of talent. He was pretty humorous in David Mamet’s film State and Main. And he’s something of a delight when he appears on “Saturday Night Live.”

Yet surely the orotund Mr. Baldwin’s greatest comedic role is the one he plays for The Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington’s Internet lodestone for all things unhinged. After all, with some frequency Mr. Baldwin offers a rather thin “post” on political matters—which always ably demonstrates his inability to think beyond a second-grade capacity.

Don’t believe us, dear reader? Why, then just take a lil’ looksie at a snippet from Mr. Baldwin’s latest magnum opus from the ole’ Huffy Po, “Passing the War Buck”:

Watching McCain support Bush's Iraq policy so doggedly makes me think that the Republicans seek not only to hand the war issue over to Bush's successor, they seek to keep the war going in order to create problems for Hillary Clinton. After all, whether or not Americans will elect a woman as Commander-in-Chief during wartime is a potential issue for Clinton's campaign.

It rather leaves you breathless, doesn’t it?

We mean, come on: Does this boob really believe that President Bush is purposefully stalling the Iraq War in an insidious attempt to render Hillary Clinton unelectable? If so, he really ought to look into wearing protective headgear.

Sure: Bush would willingly sacrifice American lives and destroy his presidential legacy—all to keep Hillary out of the White House. Boy, that sounds really, really logical.

But wait: We’re confused. We thought the Alec Baldwins of the world thought President Bush was knuckle-draggingly stupid. How, then, could that inarticulate oaf come up with such an ingeniously Machiavellian plot—a plot so ingenious that only a genius like Alec Baldwin could uncover it?

For God’s sake, Alec: Give it up. Arlen Specter and Carl Levin don’t try their hands at acting, and you shouldn’t play politics. It obviously hurts the tiny brain lodged somewhere in your oversized body.

Posted at April 10, 2007 12:01 AM | TrackBack