Let’s Just Vote Now

Perhaps we’re the only ones, dear reader, but we’re already—already!—deeply irritated by all the 2008 presidential campaign jibber-jabber. Here we are, months and months away from the election, and we’re already—already!—up to our armpits in incessant media speculation.

Obama, Hillary, McCain, Rudy—blah, blah, blah. The 24-hour cable news programs have become well nigh insufferable. How much traction can they get out of people who haven’t even announced their candidacy yet?

Perhaps what particularly rankles, dear reader, is the fact that the media’s honing in on a few “top tier” candidates is extremely unfair. We mean, come on: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are junior senators. Obama hasn’t even finished one term. Would it really kill them to do a story—one measly story—on, say, Sam Brownback?

Under the circumstances, shouldn’t the media at least pretend that, say, Chris Dodd and Joe Biden are serious contenders? They have, after all, a heck of a lot more experience than do the presumptive Democratic “frontrunners.” Sure, we think Senator Biden is a self-important menace as much as the next guy, but he certainly deserves a shot.

As much as the mainstream media supposedly love to shill for the downtrodden, they’re antics often wind up aiding those who are the most powerful. Take the example of the Democrats: Thanks in part to a lack of media interest and (therefore) fundraising capabilities, Mark Warner and Evan Bayh decided not to run.

Both are entirely electable centrist Democrats. And now both are out of the race, whilst the media coddles the untested paleo-liberal Barack Obama.

It should be no secret to readers of this humble “weblog” that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” quite fancy John McCain. But we certainly think that the other Republican candidates deserve a chance.

And we say this even if the horrendous Chuck Hagel runs. Although we far prefer Hegel to Hagel (and even Nietzsche to Hagel), that corn-fed moron should have a fair shake.

Ah, but no: The media need to find something to natter on about, and so now it’s 24-7 Hillary, Barak, John, and Rudy. It’s all enough to make you plump for Vilsack. Frankly, we support anyone with a name that silly.