Compassionate Liberalism

Cicero, a fellow today’s academic hucksters would call a dead white male, once wrote de mortuis nil nisi bonum: “concerning the dead, nothing if not good.” This sentiment, of course, dictates that it is uncouth to say anything but words of praise for the recently deceased. Having been killed in 43 BC, Cicero is no longer protected by this adage, but one might think that those who passed far more recently would receive nicer treatment.

And thus we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” turned to our friends at The Huffington Post, to see how their warmhearted liberal readership would take in the news of former President Gerald Ford’s death. We’ve heard plenty about the greater compassion of American liberals vis-à-vis their conservative opponents, and thus we hoped to happen upon some delightful examples of this sparkling magnanimity.

We figured that the passing of Gerald Ford would offer a sterling opportunity for our lefty pals to demonstrate their essential moral goodness. After all, President Ford was—horror of horrors!—a Republican. He wasn’t, of course, as odious as President Reagan, the guy who—horror of horrors!—ended the Cold War. And, naturally, he wasn’t George W. Bush (to the ultra-compassionate, a.k.a. Chimpy McHitler). Still, as a fellow with an “R” next to his name, the late President Ford would test the Huff Po’s readers’ compassion.

Boy, did the Huff Po faithful prove up to the task! We can’t believe we questioned their compassion (or, for that matter, patriotism). Check out these charming sentiments, culled from Arianna’s lovely readership (all the errors are theirs):

Jerry, you may die, but I still won't pardon you for your crimes. Enjoy eternity in hell, you bastard.

By: utah on December 27, 2006 at 12:07am

*****

Never elected President just like Chimpy McFlightsuit.

A nonentity that pardoned Nxon.

By: Michigan on December 27, 2006 at 12:21am

*****

EX-SKOOOOOZE ME?!!!

I know the unelected VP and unelected PREZ pardoned Nixon after that creep broke every law and ethical principle he could find, but I never knew that they awarded him the JFK Profile in Courage Award for it!

I guess he gets to take his place on the stage with the other medalist heroes of contemporary Amerika like J Paul Bremer, Don Rumsfeld, and Tony Blair.

With heroes like these, who needs cowards?

By: wakerobin on December 27, 2006 at 12:24am

Wow: Doesn’t that make you feel all warm and gooey inside? No wonder our buddies on the Left constantly bray about the Right’s lack of compassion and tolerance. Surely no one on the Left lacks these attributes.