Europhiles of the States, Rejoice!

Back in the Clinton years, many a left-winger could be found wagging his finger about the purportedly puritanical peevishness of American conservatives. After all, our liberal friends announced, the Europeans have a far more enlightened attitude toward sexual matters. If we were in France, shagging an intern would offer a healthy boost to your popularity.

According to numerous lefties, then, Americans needed to loosen up and act more like…the Germans. And, for some odd reason, they believed that this made some sense.

In fact, you can still feel the reverberations of this lefty-wing American Europhilia: On darn near every social issue, liberals in the USA hope our country will move closer to the positions of Western Europe. Euthanasia whether you want it or not; homosexual polygamy; state-sponsored illicit druggery—these are the things that make an American lefty pine to be a European.

Even so, we couldn’t help but notice that some things about our pals across the pond leave much to be desired. And, no, we’re not talking about hygiene. Rather, we mean more nugatory matters. For instance—and we may be wrong about this—it appears to our untrained eyes that there’s a bit of an immigration problem in Europe.

More to the point, it seems as if the Europeans can’t capitulate to the Islamofascists fast enough. If the population prognostications about Europe are to be believed—e.g., 18,000 Somalis born in the UK for every one Caucasian—it will be about three years until Paris is renamed New Medina. (Or maybe, in an homage to Tone Loc, Funky Cold Medina.)

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” hate to burst Europhiles’ bubbles even more, but a recent report from Reuters that crossed our desks leaves us with the impression that Western Europeans may not be the best role models for our left-wing friends.

The title of the article gets to the heart of the matter: “Pedophiles to launch political party.” Curious, isn’t it? Reuters comes right out and uses the P-word; apparently, it’s okay to call people pedophiles. Why not use a more neutral locution—like “militants”?

Anyway, here’s the delicious start of the report:

Dutch pedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalization of child pornography and sex with animals, sparking wide outrage.

“We want to get into parliament so we have a voice. Other politicians only talk about us in a negative sense, as if we were criminals,” Van den Berg told Reuters.

Oh, this is simply heavenly! We hope our country’s enlightened Europhiles have a brilliant explanation for this.

We savored the new party’s name: Charity, Freedom and Diversity. Clearly Mr. van den Berg and his minions have learned a thing or two from the vacuous doublespeak of American multiculturalists.

But perhaps the end of the Reuters piece offers the greatest delight:

The party also said everybody should be allowed to go naked in public and promotes legalizing all soft and hard drugs and free train travel for all.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: Free train travel? Are these people nuts?