The UK: The Right Kind of Police State

Ever since rap sensation-cum-actor-cum-ne’er-do-well Ice-T lauded the murder of cops, violence aimed at the Men in Blue has been heralded in our country’s popular culture. Humorously, perhaps, Ice-T now plays a police officer in a television drama; presumably, he doesn’t himself pine for a brutal beating.

Not only must our policemen endure the ravings of debased entertainers who glory in the potential harm done to “pigs,” they must also tolerate Cynthia McKinney. And don’t even mention those horrid Police Academy movies. Talk about a rough line of work.

We mention this, dear reader, because we worry that our popular culture’s rabid “F- the Police” mentality will cause some sort of malaise among working Men in Blue. Not only would this mean the end of the program “Cops” on the boob tube; it may also signal the demise of law and order. (No, not the show “Law & Order.”)

This would obviously be a disaster. As such, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have taken it upon ourselves to spend today’s “post” offering inspiring stories for police officers. You know: The sorts of tales that make you yearn to grab a nightstick and start busting hippies about the noggin. Having taken in our “post,” our dedicated law enforcement officials can return to holding their heads up high, protecting, and serving.

Our tales all come in the form of news items pertaining to British coppers. Culled from The Weekly Telegraph (the expatriate version of the famous Torygraph), we think they’d induce the most crooked fellow to become a model police officer.

Here’s the first bit:

Offenders ‘arrest’ graffiti sprayers

Two hooligans spraying paint on a building in Sheffield were seized by a gang of offenders doing community service by cleaning graffiti. The team detained the pair until police arrested them on suspicion of causing criminal damage.

Talk about a citizen’s arrest! Clearly, this story teaches us we can all do our part to aid our Men in Blue. With a little bit of help, we can all make sure that others don’t get away with crimes for which we ourselves were committed.

If you found that story delightful, feast your eyes on number two:

Fined for snowman attack

A drunken youth who walked into a 10-year-old girl’s garden and knocked down her snowman in Salford last month has been given an 80 Pounds fixed penalty fine.

Aha! Take that, thief! As we always say: Messing with Frosty’s going to cost ye.

And savor this little piece:

Just when its [sic] safe to come down

Police rescued a suicidal man from a 100 ft-high railway viaduct in St Austell, Cornwall, then arrested him for burglary.