A Man of No Steel

“Hamas’s triumph in last week’s Palestinian elections is the best news from the Middle East for a long time.” Thus begins a jaw-droppingly stupid column. But where did it appear? Egypt’s state-run Al-Ahram? The repellently-named anti-Israeli “website” “The Electronic Intifada”?

Nope. It was a featured piece in the British Left’s daily beacon of anti-Westernism, The Guardian. The Guardian, for those of you not keeping score, is neck-and-neck in its race with Britain’s Independent to see which outfit can capitulate to radical Islam first. Penned by a fellow named Jonathan Steele, the op-ed demonstrates a failure to make the most routine political and moral discriminations.

After all, who in his right mind considers the Palestinians cheerfully electing a terrorist group as their rightful leaders wondrous? Haven’t there been a few pieces of “better news” from the Middle East?

We mean, come on: The murderous tyrant Saddam Hussein was deposed. Syria has left Lebanon after years of illegal occupation (an occupation that, interestingly enough, our anti-Israeli friends have failed to acknowledge). Egypt has taken a few baby steps toward democratic governance, as has Saudi Arabia. Israel has departed from the Gaza Strip. Does a vile terrorist group’s victory really trump all of these things?

Not, we think, to a serious political commentator. Unless, of course, that political commentator is merely “serious” about Israel’s destruction. But at The Guardian, this kind of nonsense is par for the course.

The very title of Mr. Steele’s piece (as it appeared in the ex-pat version of The Guardian) says it all: “Trust the Palestinians’ Choice.” Ah, yes: They’ve never made any errors in judgment in the past.

And it makes us wonder: If Hamas’ victory is really Jonathan Steele’s Middle-Eastern wet dream, to what else in the political realm does he look forward? What would make Mr. Steele a happy radical dolt?

Well, we wonder no longer. The Official Wondering Department here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” has spent well over an hour cogitating these very questions. And it has helpfully compiled a list of past, present, and future events for which Mr. Steele has or will cheerlead. It has even put this list in the form of sentences from Mr. Steele’s feculent oeuvre.

Trust Jonathan Steele’s Acumen: Past and Future Sentences from This Chucklehead’s Columns:

1. “The tsunami is the best thing to happen to the East for a long time.”

2. “We should all cheer the Muslim takeover of New Jersey.”

3. “What would Zimbabwe do without Robert Mugabe, that humanitarian genius?”

4. “Kristallnacht may seem bad on the face of it, but it will ultimately lead to racial comity.”

5. “I expect a lot more great things from Idi Amin.”

6. “The gorgeous photograph of Michael Dukakis in a tank will help catapult him into the White House.”

7. “I, Jonathan Steele, am not an idiot.”