Her Hypocritical Authority Is Absolute

Perhaps, dear reader, you heard that the “website” E-Bay currently features an auction for the opportunity to host an oration given by none other than Cindy Sheehan. The highest bidder in said auction receives a gorgeous stump speech, which ineluctably blames America and an insidious Jewish cabal for 9/11. Delightful, isn’t it?

Yes, this is the same Cindy Sheehan whom David Letterman, when not throwing pencils at cameras for yuks, deemed an unfair target for any criticism. That’s kind of like saying Paul Schaffer’s wardrobe is beyond criticism. The cranially challenged Maureen Dowd, in a typical demonstration of obtuseness, deemed Ms. Sheehan a woman whose moral authority is absolute.

Now we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” must explain that we unquestionably laud Cindy Sheehan’s son for making the ultimate sacrifice for the United States of America. He is a true hero. And we can certainly understand Ms. Sheehan’s anger.

All the same, is it really beyond the pale to suggest that a woman who waxes Palestinian about bizarre Zionist conspiracies is unhinged? We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think not.

We mention all this, dear reader, because we found a particular portion of the E-Bay announcement of her deranged-lecture-for-sale a bit odd. Toward the bottom of said advertisement, the reader sees the following:

Note: Because of the obvious potential for right-wing shenanigans, Cindy retains the right to refuse to speak to groups antithetical to her cause or offensive to her beliefs. If no group can be agreed upon, the winning bidder will receive a full refund.

Frankly, dear reader, we found this alarming. If Alanis Morrissette knew what irony is, she might even label it ironic.

Perhaps it is just us, but does anyone else recall one of the purported prime messages of Cindy Sheehan’s Camp Out at W.’s Ranch Campaign? We thought that she and her allies on the isolationist Left delighted in concluding that President Bush, by failing to talk to Ms. Sheehan, demonstrated his inability to speak to those with whom he disagrees. Remember all that talk about “Bush in a Bubble”?

And yet now it appears as if Ms. Sheehan refuses to speak to those with whom she disagrees. Funny, that. Who would have guessed that leftists would prove so close-minded? Surely no one in academia would.

In fact, we think that Ms. Sheehan’s brazen declaration of her intellectual isolationism is one of the most hypocritical moves in recent history. It’s right up there with that odious outfit called The Body Shop bleating about the horrors of animal testing—and then getting caught animal testing.

It’s kind of like Michael Moore calling you fat; it’s kind of like Carl Levin calling you elfin; it’s kind of like Eric Alterman labeling you unhinged.

And until Lou Dobbs get caught hiring an illegal immigrant for his housecleaner, it’s the best dose of hypocrisy we’re likely to get in some time.