A Theory Confirmed

As devoted reader(s) of this humble “weblog” well know, “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” is something of an acquired taste. Not in the illicit way in which, say, beer or, say, amphetamines are acquired tastes. Rather, what we mean is that this “weblog” is not terribly popular.

Unfortunately, we have dilated on this topic numerous times, and we don’t mean to belabor you with our typical pathetic rants about our own dismal little place on Al Gore’s World-Wide Web. The clever reader may note that this pitiably self-obsessed e-kvetching has likely aided our un-popularity.

But we do bring up this topic for a reason. For a good long while, dear reader, we have had the sneaking suspicion that the way to become a “weblogging” superstar was to avoid “posting” altogether. Well, not altogether, exactly, just most of the time.

It may sound like a foolish theory, but stick with us. After all, the “weblogger” who offers daily musings on this, that, and the other thing soon becomes tiresome. Who wants to read more arrant piffle about Judge Alito composed by an ignoramus with an eerie crush on Andrew Sullivan? Not us, not us.

Yet the clever “weblogger” who goes on extended “weblogging” vacations is often rewarded for his e-laziness. Unlike quotidian scribblers, this “weblogger” gets all kinds of attention when he briefly returns to his “weblog.” All manner of “webloggers” offer their huzzahs, and the lethargic “weblogger’s” “website” gets bigger than Tom Cruise’s desire for homosexual intercourse.

Right about now, the doubters among you are saying: “Oh, yeah—that’s total garbage. You can’t really get popular by failing to ‘post.’” Or words to that effect.

Well, dear reader, allow us to offer slightly indirect proof of our point. Our old pal John of the luminous “weblog” Texas Best Grok has been a Lazy Larry of late. Instead of presenting his typical animadversions on all and sundry, he’s been content to let his “weblog” stew in its collective juices.

The result? As John himself reports, his “hits” went through the roof, and he is now an impressive Large Mammal in the deeply problematic Truth-Never-Got-Laid-Bare Echo System. Rather intriguing, is it not?

Meanwhile, this humble “weblog”—humble as it is—has nosedived of late, even though it has seen a recent spate of e-traffic. As the bottom of our “website” un-proudly declares, we are a Flappy Bird, which is roughly speaking the Scott Baio of the Internet. (You know what we mean, dear reader: A laughingstock with great hair.)

Does this mean that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” in a desperate attempt to become e-famous, will cease “posting”? No, you couldn’t get that lucky.