July 26, 2004
Back to the Daily Grind
Back to the Daily Grind
As you must know by now, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have been passing the last seven weeks relishing our criminally long summer break. To be sure, we have posted thrice weekly during this span of time, but we have still found ample opportunities to stop and, as it were, smell the roses. Or, in the case of those staff members who found themselves in Rome (IT), stop and smell the steaming piles of refuse strewn about the streets.No longer. The Official Criminally Long Break of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” is now officially over. Our Official Transition Team is—as we write this very post—undertaking the unsavory task of setting up our lavish headquarters for the regular comings and goings of our staff. A whole array of thankless jobs awaits our Official Transition Team: The purchase of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Post-It notes; the purchase of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” stationary; the purchase of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” staff version of “Police Academy 3”; &c.
In fact, in a couple of days, the entire staff will enjoy its First Annual “Back to the Daily Grind” Party. Through such a fete, the crack young staff can celebrate its return to its former bone-crushing weekday publishing schedule, and revel in its reversion to life in lifeless cubicles. No more slouching on the couch, watching countless hours of the “Lifetime” network; duty calls. It actually ain’t that much to celebrate, now that we think about it.
Anyway, it is during this Official Transition Time that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” get back in touch with our munificent financial sponsors and make sure that our relationship with them is on the up-and-up. Naturally, our fiscal backers allow us complete and total editorial autonomy; they would not dream of sullying our fine “weblog” with orders to schlock their latest products. On a totally unrelated note, Coors Light is a really, really fine beer.
Frankly, dear reader, it is a bit tough to come back to our punishing publishing schedule. Over the past seven weeks, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have had about as much work to complete as the San Diego Blizzard Patrol. Or the French defense minister. And now we find ourselves toiling away in a dank (though state-of-the-art) office building. We are, in the memorable words of Tom Lehrer, sliding down the razorblade of life.
Wow. We’ve just depressed ourselves. But a job is a job, and “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” is a labor of love and lust. And, incidentally, it pays our bills and offers a fairly decent health-care package.
So, dear reader, you have much to which you may look forward in the weeks to come. Whereas we have previously offered a limited number of animadversions per week, you may now revel in our mordant wit and dexterous writing on a Monday through Friday basis. As usual, no phenomenon is too complex, too off-putting to escape our satirical barbs. In fact, we plan on excoriating Phil Collins soon.
Accordingly, dear reader, we urge you to tune in daily for your quotidian fix of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly.” For others, hating merely serves as a pleasant way of passing the time; for us, it is a way of life.
