August 04, 2004
Bush-Bashing with the Best of
Bush-Bashing with the Best of 'Em
Recently, a junior editor at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—let’s just call him “Chip”—strolled into his neighborhood bookstore. Although he had been at the shop only a fortnight before, he suddenly noticed something peculiar: There appears to be a bumper-crop of I-Hate-George-Bush tomes on the market these days.To be sure, the current President of these here United States of America is not the only target of recently released screeds. If one detests, say, Jimmy Carter or, say, Bill Clinton, there are plenty of polemics from which to choose. (If you utterly despise President Van Buren, however, you just may be out of luck.)
But even those who only casually peruse their local bookshop will note that there is a kind of Bush-bashing cottage industry. The stores are literally littered with them.
And this led us to wonder: How does an author of yet another Bush-bashing tome market his book? How can one grab the reader’s attention in an over-saturated market?
Naturally, if one is, say, Hillary Clinton, it isn’t too difficult to garner some attention for your Bush-bashing oeuvre. And this is the case for minor celebrities, too—like Joe Conason. But what if you have just polished off a monograph that dilates on the many malapropisms of President Bush and you have very little clout in the publishing business? How are you going to compel potential customers to drop the other squillion books that expatiate on the evils of “W,” and purchase your book instead?
Good questions, those. And we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think we have an answer: It’s the title, stupid. Indeed, a clever title for your orgy of Bush-bashing should land you a few readers. Unfortunately, pretty much every catchy title has been explored by the 5,248 authors who penned their scabrous attacks on President Bush before you.
As a result, you, the author of yet another dilapidated I-Hate-Bush screed, are left with only one option: A ridiculously overwrought title. That ought to draw ‘em in. After all, a tepid title like “Boy, George Bush Really Has Me Steamed” is never going to do the trick. In order to help our prospective polemicists, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” recommend the following (free of charge, no less):
“The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Official List of Overwrought Titles for Bush-Bashing Books:
1. “Worse than Hitler?: A Chronicle of Bush’s Evil”
2. “Worse than Hitler: A Chronicle of Bush’s Evil”
3. “Killing Babies: A Day in the Life of Our Current President”
4. “George Bush: He Has Become Death, Destroyer of Worlds”
5. “George Bush is the Most Odious Dictator of All Times, Even Though Other Odious Dictators Would Never Allow Me to Publish This Book If it Were about Them”
6. “Bush the Jew-Lover: A Moderate Muslim Speaks Out”
7. “Somehow Bush is Worse than Bin Laden, Though I’m Not Sure How This Can Be True”
8. “Bring Peace Unto the World: Kill Bush”
Well, these ought to be useful to those few irate Bush-haters who are literate. If only President Bush were fat—like, say, Michael Moore; then we could have a real field day with him.
