Op-Eds by College Kids The

Op-Eds by College Kids

But there is one particular forum for college students that bothers us more than all the others: The op-ed in the student newspaper.

You know what we are talking about, dear reader: Each campus maintains its own student-run rag that offers shockingly poor quality articles on various local, national, and international events. Usually, the “reporters” for these outfits stick to sundry campus issues: The latest date rape drugs; the latest “Take Back the Mid-Afternoon” Rally; &c.

Yet the tyros who sign up to pose as op-eders never confine themselves to such quotidian fare. On the contrary: They enjoy waxing ignorant on a gamut of important issues of the day.

Naturally, these young tykes are delusional: They appear to believe that the entire world will change its mind on the liberation of Iraq if some 19-year-old offers a few incoherent ramblings on the subject.

Oh, sure: We are all dying to know what a guy who spends half of his free time smoking pot and playing video games thinks about international affairs. Enlighten us, oh wise 20-year-old.

As if this weren’t bad enough, the op-eds in question are normally edited by a passel of pimply teenagers who haven’t even the slightest acquaintance with grammar. They’ve spent their entire youths immersed in “student-centered learning,” and thus have a working knowledge of the English language roughly equivalent to that of a snail.

As such, the collegiate op-eder amazes his readership with headlines such as: “The Killing in Iraq: Whose to Blame?”; “Israel and Other Anti-Semitics”; &c.

As far as we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are concerned, college students shouldn’t be allowed to offer their opinions—on anything. Well, perhaps on keg stands.