November 09, 2004
Subvert the Dominant Paradigm with
Subvert the Dominant Paradigm with Visa or Mastercard
A little while ago, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” poked fun at EdChange’s Social Justice Store, an Internet shop from which one could miraculously purchase “social justice.” Fools that we were, we figured that this was the only e-boutique that stocked anti-capitalist paraphernalia—and then charged lots of cash for people to buy them.After a bit of e-snooping, however, the Official Investigative Team of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” found a few other “websites” of note. It appears as if the World-Wide Web is home to destinations other than the Drudge Report, The New York Times, and Internet pornography. Who would have thunk it?
Take, for example, the National Organization for Women Store. It offers, among other examples of sartorial splendor, T-shirts with catchy slogans such as “Doing My Best to Piss Off the Radical Right.” Well, well, well: May we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” be the first to suggest to our friends at NOW that, given the outcome of the Presidential and congressional elections, they start putting in a little extra effort? If we weren’t so dedicated to NOW’s mission, we might conclude that the “Radical Right” is fairly un-pissed.
Another T-shirt for sale at the NOW Store presents the fetching slogan “Hate is NOT a Family Value.” To which we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” respond: You’ve never visited our family, now have you? In our households, “hate” is right up there with “obstinacy” as the bedrock of our family values.
Though the NOW Store certainly has a clever array of lefty accoutrements, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” didn’t find it sufficiently polemical. Sure, this stuff may win you friends at your local food co-op, but it simply isn’t radical enough for us.
Never fear, dear reader: The Official Investigative Team of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” came upon a far more rabid “website” hawking an assortment of gear heralding offensively radical messages.
We refer, of course, to the delightful e-boutique FidelChe.com. Now this, dear reader, is the locus classicus of anti-capitalist ridiculousness: Even the name of this “website” should be enough to inspire cackles. Prominently displayed on this virulently anti-American and anti-business “website” is the fact that prospective purchasers can easily pay with Visa and Mastercard. What, no American Express? We told you the store was anti-American.
And what, you may be asking yourselves, can you buy? Why, an assortment of excruciatingly radical T-shirts, mugs, mouse-pads, and coasters. Yes, coasters: So you can champion a world revolution without leaving unsightly watermarks on your tables. Violent anarchy has never been so compatible with an earnest regard for home décor.
We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” were particularly impressed with the mouse pad for sale at FidelChe.com with the inspiring message “A President (Worth Assassinating).” How clever! How reasonable!
Then there’s the gorgeous mouse pad that offers an American flag that ingeniously turns into a swastika. America—or is that Amerika?—is just like Nazi Germany! Get it? What powers of discrimination the proprietors of FidelChe.com must possess! They can tell that there are no differences between the United States and the Third Reich. Bravo, comrades!
Among all these upbeat items, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” finally came upon one we really fancied: “I Love Police Brutality.” Now there’s a slogan that we can all rally around.
