December 07, 2004

Web Envy We, the crack

Web Envy

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” couldn’t help but notice the hoopla surrounding the 2004 Weblog Awards. In fact, if we didn’t detest the horrendous rock band Starship so much, we’d say that we are knee deep in the hoopla.

It seems as if many of the “websites” that we, the crack young staff, read each day, are becoming bigwigs in the land o’ “weblogs.” Our pals the Llama Butchers, the Cranky Neocon, and Dr. Rusty are among those nominated in various impressive categories.

Now, we love all of the aforementioned “websites”; we read them all religiously. But we couldn’t help but notice that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” didn’t get nominated for jack-bone anything. Not a thing. You can count all our nominations on no fingers.

We’re like Tony Danza on Oscar night; we didn’t even get an invitation to the big party. As the clipboard Nazis would say: Sorry, you’re not on the list. Pretty soon, people will be making comparisons between our humble “weblog” and the vapid, illiterate hokum offered by Mr. Sullywatch. Well, it may not get that bad, but we should always prepare for the worst.

Now, don’t get us wrong, dear reader: We’re not crying over spilled milk. We’re crying over the fact that we are about as popular as a Ford Taurus in Amish country. We’re about as desirable as genital warts. We’re as loveable as Mark Furhman’s and Geraldo’s love-child.

And what, you may be asking yourself, does the crack young staff intend to do about this? Well, first we intend on voting for our pals. And then we hope that the ultimate triumph of our “weblog” friends will bring us some residual hits. Kind of like Internet shrapnel.

Until then, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” intend to whine like a bunch of stuck-up thirteen-year-olds whose parents wouldn’t let them purchase thongs at Abercrombie & Fitch. It’s, like, so, like, unfair.

Whilst we are busy kvetching, dear reader, we humbly exhort you to vote for your favorite “weblogs.” And check out the Llamas, Gordo, and Rusty; they deserve to be a part of your daily routine. We remember them way back when they were insignificant “webloggers”—like we are.

Posted at December 7, 2004 12:01 AM | TrackBack