December 14, 2004
U Terrorist Perhaps, dear reader,
U Terrorist
Perhaps, dear reader, you have been following the brouhaha that erupted regarding the teaching career of one Susan Rosenberg, which was tragically cut short. As Roger Kimball detailed in both The New Criterion and The Wall Street Journal, Ms. Rosenberg, a former member of the cheerful group the Weather Underground, was soon to become an activist-artist in residence at Hamilton College.It seems as if some spoilsports were offended by the fact that Ms. Rosenberg had been arrested for her role in various sordid dealings related to the cheerful Weather Underground’s terrorist activities, and that she has little in the way of remorse for her actions. As such, Hamilton College’s administration, after weeks of championing Ms. Rosenberg as a wonderful addition to the faculty, summarily chucked her.
It appears as if Ms. Rosenberg, as a result, is out of a job.
And this, dear reader, struck us, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” as, in the inimitable words of Howlin’ Wolf, a cryin’ shame. Why must a woman without any kind of academic credentials be blackballed from teaching at an American university merely because her activities led to murder and mayhem? Don’t kids these days want to learn about “feminist revolutionary anti-imperialism”? In short, what has this world come to?
We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” feel as if Ms. Rosenberg’s forced departure from Hamilton College is a foreboding sign of right-wing neo-McCarthyism. Okay, perhaps that’s a little excessive: Her departure is a foreboding sign of the coming apocalypse. That’s better.
Anyway, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” care deeply about the little people (except Danny Devito—he’s a jerk), and thus we hope to secure employment for Ms. Rosenberg. After all, she’s a perfectly healthy, self-described “former US political prisoner” who has intricate knowledge of explosives. What company wouldn’t want to employ her?
And then it struck us, dear reader. Why not establish an American university whose faculty is solely made up of terrorists? It would be kind of like the University of South Florida, only bigger.
Just think, dear reader, of the kinds of courses such a college could offer: Bomb Detonation 101; Jihad 221; Feminism 101. Perhaps it could boast Dr. Sami al-Arian as the Dean of Political Prisoners (once they let him out of jail) and Laura Whitehorn as the Yasser Arafat Distinguished Professor of Destroying the Capitol Building.
We aren’t sure about you, dear reader, but we have the sneaking suspicion that plenty of parents from Middle Eastern countries would be delighted to have their kids attend this University of Terrorism. And Ted Turner could fork over some of his funds to pay for the all-important chemistry department.
All this fledgling university would need, dear reader, is an excellent basketball team. With a team name like the University of Terrorism “Militants,” we can’t think of any reason why they’d have difficulty recruiting aspiring athletes.
