December 16, 2004

Introducing the Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly”

Introducing the Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Dictionary for Academics

Are you, dear reader, an aspiring academic who doesn’t understand what all that jargon means? We neither. Even so, you may be interested in the latest development of our Official Marketing Department: The Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Dictionary for Academics.

And what, you may be asking yourself, does this newfangled dictionary offer? Why, we’re glad you asked.

Unlike other dictionaries, the Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Dictionary for Academics was put together by postmodern intellectuals who realize that, in the famous words of a recently deceased academic huckster, there is nothing outside the text. Words, that is to say, don’t refer to reality. Accordingly, all the entries in the Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Dictionary for Academics have definitions that can be attributed to any other entry. So, if you want “mustard” to mean “white male oppressors,” this is the dictionary for you!

But the Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Dictionary for Academics isn’t just a book that refuses to offer a bogus metanarrative. In addition, it offers definitions for all kinds of crucial terms bandied about by assorted professors and administrators. If you aren’t fully hip to the hegemony of academic lingo, the Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Dictionary for Academics cures what ails you.

But you don’t have to take our word(s) for it. Enjoy, dear reader, a smattering of entries culled at random:

Diversity: (n.) An assortment of people of various skin tones and genders, all of whom hold the exact same opinion on each and every matter of political and cultural import.

Hybridity: (n.) A trendy way of saying “composite,” this word is used by postmodernists as often as the Smurfs use the word “smurf.” As such, it also can mean “excellence,” “fortitude,” and “maple syrup.”

George W. Bush: (n.) The most evil man ever. If only he could be a bit more like Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, and other political heroes.

Truth: (n.) This word has no meaning, and must always be put in scare quotes.

Discursive: (adj.) This word can be used to mean anything. Everything is discursive, from lead pipes to Ray Bourque.

As you can see, dear reader, the Official “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Dictionary for Academics is a must-have for any pseudo-intellectual twit on your Christmas list.

Posted at December 16, 2004 12:01 AM | TrackBack