January 10, 2005

Nag, Indeed About a fortnight

Nag, Indeed

About a fortnight ago, dear reader, a correspondent from our Boston (MA) office sent us an interesting flyer. Put up by the Neighborhood Access Group (whose acronym is, appropriately enough, NAG), this poster reads as follows:

Hate Brick Sidewalks?

Tired of Falling, Tripping or Being Vibrated to Death in Your Wheelchair?

The more people who come to this hearing of the Massachusetts Architectural Access Board about the inaccessible brick sidewalk on Huntington Avenue, the more likely the city will be forced to redo it.

Let’s persuade the board to regulate brick sidewalks!

The bottom of said flyer announces that this important meeting of the minds took place on Monday, January 3rd.

Naturally, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” thought to ourselves: Darn! We missed the hearing!

And this is a real bummer, because we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” collectively can’t stand brick sidewalks. In fact, we hate them almost as much as we detest igloos and porridge.

In order to help out NAG and destroy the hegemonic oppression of brick sidewalks, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” decided to write the following missive to the Massachusetts Architectural Access Board:

To: Massachusetts Architectural Access Board
From: The Crack Young Staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”

Dear Sir or Madam (as the case may be),

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” recently found out about your organization through a flyer posted by the fittingly-named group NAG. In fact, before we saw said flyer, we had no idea that tax money was used to support a Massachusetts Architectural Access Board. We can only say that it is a great use of funds.

Anyway, we are writing to you because we, like the manifold members of NAG, hate brick sidewalks. We are collectively tired of falling, tripping or being vibrated to death in our wheelchairs. Actually, those of us who have been vibrated to death are particularly irked.

As such, we humbly beseech you to destroy all brick sidewalks in Massachusetts, and replace them with cobblestones. That ought to fix things.

Posted at January 10, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack