February 03, 2005

SullyWatchWatch “Weblogging” the Guy Who,


“Weblogging” the Guy Who, in Typical Homophobic Style, Claims To Be “Blogging the Blog Queen”

As almost everyone attuned to Al Gore’s World-Wide Web must know, dear reader, the esteemed Andrew Sullivan has decided to go on an extended hiatus from “weblogging” for his Daily Dish. This has caused many to take time to reflect on the “weblogging” oeuvre of one of the genre’s most popular stars.

Many are wondering how they will fill their time, now that they can no longer turn to Mr. Sullivan for quotidian commentary. Yet we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are intrigued by a question that at least three other people in these here United States want to know: What will the dunderheaded author of the feculent “weblog” Sullywatch do?

The regular reader of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” no doubt remembers Sullywatch. It’s a painfully lifeless “weblog” devoted to harping on the alleged sins of Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish. In torturously ungrammatical prose, the author—whom we call Mr. Sullywatch—criticizes the purported grammatical blunders of Mr. Sullivan.

The “weblog” is, in short, the Internet equivalent of a remora fish.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” first tussled with the loveable proprietor of Sullywatch when he criticized Mr. Sullivan for deigning to link to a post we offered on something called “breastcasting.” To Mr. Sullywatch, this was a grave mistake on Mr. Sullivan’s part: After all, what is so odd about making a plaster of paris cast of your breasts in the celebration of female “diversity”? He couldn’t think of anything.

As a result of Mr. Sullywatch’s impertinent attack on the crack young staff, we took umbrage with him. We noted, for instance, that he has never met an infinitive he couldn’t split. And we noted, furthermore, that his miserable “weblog” was pathetic—a congeries of witless rants penned by a guy who should head back to third grade.

In return, dear reader, Mr. Sullywatch took a few more shots at the crack young staff. He mentioned that his “weblog” gets more “hits” than “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” and thus is manifestly superior.

Apparently, Mr. Sullywatch wasn’t clever enough to realize what a peculiar argument this was: After all, his “weblog” is devoted to demonstrating how sub-par Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish is, and yet Mr. Sullivan gets more hits each minute than Sullywatch gets each day.

So much for consistency. Anyway, when we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” heard the news, we headed right over to Sullywatch. Just how would this obsessed popinjay discuss Mr. Sullivan’s departure?

Well, we got through a few sentences of ugly prose and encountered this whopper. As Roger Kimball would say, apologies in advance are due to the English language:

The real reason for Sullivan to suddenly (well, not so suddenly, really, if you think about it) stop blogging was more related to his blog’s inability to regain the commanding heights in the rightblogging [sic] ecosystem it once held from the more virulent and reactionary LGF and Powerline, where [sic] not coincidentally he picked a fight in the last couple of weeks.

Oh, dear. And to think this is the language of Frost, Eliot, and Orwell! Perhaps this sentence can win the World Record for Most Ridiculous Split Infinitive?

Anyway, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have no idea what Mr. Sullywatch will do without his beloved Mr. Sullivan.

Given his captivating prose style, may we suggest a job as a janitor?

Posted at February 3, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack