Israel Needs the Women’s Studies

Israel Needs the Women’s Studies Touch

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” considered this series a potential antidote to all the recent complaining and finger-pointing directed at such professorial beacons of reasonableness as Ward Churchill.

(Those in-touch with the goings-on of academia certainly know Prof. Churchill; he’s an Ethnic Studies teacher at the University of Colorado, and a member in good standing of the Fraud Indian tribe.)

Although we don’t want to toot our own collective horn, we figured that focusing on some of the rough spots related to academic life could soothe the souls of many a beleaguered professor. (If they have souls, of course.)

Invariably, however, whenever we do something nice for academics, they wind up disappointing us. They’re kind of like an alcoholic uncle: Sure, you still love him, but you just hate yourself for it.

And what, you may ask, has recently upset the crack young staff? What academic shenanigans and tomfoolery have collectively gotten our collective knickers in a collective twist? We—as always, it seems—are darned glad you asked.

A correspondent from our Chapel Hill (NC) office has recently sent us a flyer for an upcoming lecture at the venerable University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. You know: The school at which John Edwards will soon be teaching. It’s kind of like a College of Political Broken Dreams.

The following provides the contents of said flyer, to which we have affixed our own humble commentary:

The Curriculum in Women’s Studies is pleased to sponsor a talk by:

A writer in both English and Hebrew, Rela Mazali is one of the founders of New Profile, a feminist movement working to de-militarize Israeli society.

“A feminist movement working to de-militarize Israeli society,” eh? Gee, that sounds like a really fantastic project. In fact, we can’t think of any reason why Israeli society would be militaristic in the first place.

Oh, wait. No, never mind: We still can’t think of a reason.

One must especially laud Ms. Mazali’s aim to terminate Isreal’s pesky desire to protect itself when one realizes how un-militarized—nay, pacifistic—Israel’s neighbors are. After all, these peace-loving Muslim countries haven’t stirred up any difficulties for the Jewish state. Just ask Hamas, Hezbollah, the Palestinian Islamic Jihad, &c.

She was initiator and Assistant director of the widely aired documentary “Testimonies” (1993), on Israeli soldiers’ involvement in the first Intifada and has published numerous books and articles addressing challenges faced by women and girls in this war-torn region.

Indeed, the disgraceful militarism of Israeli society has certainly harmed Israeli women and girls. As such, they are far worse off than their Arab sisters, whose tranquil societies have allowed them to prosper.

Who wouldn’t want to be blessed with all the manifold rights offered to women in, say, Syria? As any card-carrying academic knows, Syria is the epicenter of a glorious feminist movement. Pretty soon, its women won’t have to travel around entirely covered by burlap sacks.

Mazali, who has just completed a chapter for a U.N. University book on gender and small arms, is currently writing a Hebrew collection of story-essays and a new book in English.

Why not a book on gender and big arms? After all, big arms prove far more effective at chucking grenades.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” didn’t realize that there was a United Nations University. That’s pretty impressive. Perhaps their course listings look much like the following:

UNITED NATIONS UNIVERSITY

-Corruption as a Means to Personal Advancement 101 with Prof. Kofi Annan
-Oil for Food Scam 220 with Prof. Benon Sevan
-Genocide? What Genocide? 310 with Prof. Boutros Boutros-Ghali

Anyway, dear reader, as you can surely tell, Ms. Mazali’s talk will demonstrate how disassociated from reality is the strange creature known as the Women’s Studies professor.

To twist Gloria Steinem’s famous quote, Israel needs Women’s Studies practitioners like a fish needs a bicycle.