March 21, 2005

Event Planning

Event Planning

As longtime readers of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” must know, soon we shall be celebrating our “weblogging” anniversary. Naturally, dear reader, this is quite an Internet landmark. As far as we can tell, the authors of most “weblogs” don’t post more often than once a year.

Accordingly, dear reader, the Official Events Planning Team of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” is getting ready to mark our one-year anniversary with a fitting soiree. You know the kind of fete we mean: Balloons; female-impersonators; balloon animals; chocolate-flavored modems; balloons; crazy staws; &c.

This has all made the home office of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” brimming with a certain excitement that seems eerily remiscent of tension. And with good reason: To quote both George Orwell and the Sub-Par Talent Formerly Known as Prince, soon we’re going to party like it’s 1984.

There’s just one hitch. The Official Events Planning Team of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—God bless it—isn’t exactly chock-a-block with precocious talent. In fact, its “Fog a Mirror” entrance exam hasn’t ensured that the team is made up of the best and brightest.

We mean, it’s not as bad as the CIA, but it certainly has its share of dim bulbs.

As a result, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are at a loss as to the theme of our upcoming “weblogging” anniversary soiree. We’ve come up with a few ideas, but we’re not certain they’re any good.

First off, we dreamt up a “Studio 54” theme party. The Official Events Planning Team thought it was a dynamite idea. We can almost picture it: Hirsute male interns clad in nothing but “Hooter’s” shorts acting as bartenders; KC & the Sunshine Band blaring in the background; cocaine at every table; &c.

But then we thought of the downsides. Sure, we could easily find a member of the crack young staff to play the part of an outlandish homosexual club owner. Heck, darn near half the crack young staff fits that job description. But how were we going to happen upon a lisping, tax-evading recluse to work behind the scenes? We don’t suppose we could very well rent one, do you?

And then another thought troubled us: If we were going to have a “Studio 54” party, did we have to invite Mick Jagger? We don’t want to seem snobbish, but Mick is so 1970s.

That’s when it collectively hit us. Why not ask you, our (semi-)loyal readers, what theme would most suit our upcoming party?

Accordingly, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quartelry,” humbly exhort you to send us your ideas for the fete. We’ll publish a representative sample of ideas on our humble “weblog,” which could bring fame and fortune upon you. (It’s not bloody likely, but we suppose it’s within the realm of possibility.)

And the winner, of course, will have the anniversary party in part named in his (or her) honor. We can’t think of anything more exciting. And God knows we’ve tried.

So send us an e-missive by clicking the “Contact Us” link found at the top right-hand corner of your computer screen, and bring out your inner event planner.

Posted at March 21, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack