March 29, 2005

Gangsta Haiku

Gangsta Haiku

With great regularity, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” receive e-missives devoted to one particular question: How do you people come up with such wonderful ideas for your “weblog”? Or words to that effect.

Even though we have been loath to mention it in the past, we suppose there is no harm in discussing one of the tricks of the trade. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” employ a small army of young Malaysian tykes, who spend their 7am to 9pm workdays searching the World-Wide Web for potential material.

Although you might think that this would prove expensive, it’s surprisingly cheap. These kids will work for almost nothing. Just ask Nike.

Most of the time, of course, these small children don’t come up with suitable subject matter for our humble “weblog.” When this happens, of course, our Official Torture Department pumps soft rock into their quarters, as a means of punishment. Because nothing says torture like Sade’s ditty “Smooth Operator.”

Every once in a while, however, our little Malaysian pals find something fantastic. And such was certainly the case with a “website” devoted to “Gangsta Haiku.”

Gangsta Haiku is the now seemingly defunct “website” of one M.C. Haiku. We’d be happy to introduce the genius that is M.C. Haiku to you, but we think that he does a brilliant job of it on his own:

mc haiku comin [sic] from here, there and everywhere, muthaf***az…
readin [sic] the s*** back to you from the next level, name all
up in lights, ain’t no shuttin [sic] it down…
droppin [sic] mad haiku drama then takin [sic] your wallets and
your watches and s***…

Aha: So that’s what M.C. Haiku is like.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: Are M.C. Haiku’s haikus as “mad” as he claims? We are delighted to inform you that the answer to this question is a resounding Yes.

Why, just take a gander at the last “Haiku of the Week” M.C. Haiku left for us:

whoops! i stepped on your
ass and almost tripped but still
i’m on top the hill

Pretty good, n’est pas? We particularly enjoyed the “i’m on top the hill” line; it’s so mellifluous.

For those intent on some more hip haiku, M.C. Haiku has left us with a veritable cornucopia of street-smart poetry. This guy is part T.S. Eliot, part 2 Live Crew. But mostly T.S. Eliot.

Take, for instance, this beauteous example:

shot my accountant
cuz i gotta pay taxes
government asses

Pretty good stuff, eh? And it makes a great deal of sense: If you’re mad at the government, you ought to shot your accountant. Word up.

Naturally, it’s a crying shame that M.C. Haiku no longer presents his readers with new examples of his artistry. His “website” does allow readers to submit their own haikus, however, which he places under the delicate title “Some Niggaz Haiku.”

Humorously enough, this section appears to have been attacked by white supremacists, who have added their own creations to the “website.”

Gee, that’s a brilliant idea. Nothing says white supremacy quite like the Japanese art of haiku.

Posted at March 29, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack