April 19, 2005
Planet Superannuated Hippie
Planet Superannuated Hippie
Many readers of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” are undoubtedly unaware of Planet Patriot, a “website” created by one Harold Wood. Although Planet Patriot—being a “website,” and not a planet—is rather poorly named, it is a beacon of all kinds of important information.If, by “important information” you mean “links to feculent folk songs purportedly aimed at making the world one giant New-Age wet dream.” For Mr. Wood has prominently featured what he calls “Songs for World Peace” on Planet Patriot. The delightful Mr. Wood explains:
The global environment can survive only if we learn to live in peace and harmony with our fellow human beings.
To which we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” respond: Fine by us. Would Mr. Wood mind telling that to the upstanding folks in such peaceable, earth-friendly clubs as Al-Qaeda? Last we checked, North Korea was about as harmonious as a Karlheinz Stockhausen piece.
But we have the sneaking suspicion that this snag doesn’t bother Mr. Wood one bit. His “website” continues:
This page is in two parts. The first provides inspirational, pro-Peace songs, meant to inspire.
Thank God! We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” often find inspirational songs so, in a word, un-inspirational. Finally someone has come to the rescue. Inspire us, o Department of Redundancy Department!
The second part [of the “webpage”] is Anti-War songs, meant to get you mad, and take action. We need two sides of this coin.
Which coin? We didn’t realize that there was going to be any money involved. And, frankly, it’s Mr. Wood’s poor grammar—and not his Spirited Anti-War Songs—that have gotten our knickers in a twist.
Just in case you thought Mr. Wood’s “Songs for World Peace” “website” wouldn’t get you suitably riled up, he lists a number of tunes under the “Peace Songs” and “Anti-War Songs” rubrics.
Frankly, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” haven’t heard many of these ditties. Perhaps that’s why we're a passel of incorrigible warmongers. And hatemongers, come to think of it.
But the inclusion of Bette Midler’s tune “From a Distance” doesn’t give us the collective impression that Mr. Wood shares with us a similar understanding of the word “peace.” As far as we’re concerned, the video for “From a Distance” could be used as a dynamite Al-Qaeda recruitment tape.
If Osama bin Laden is still angry about the Crusades, just imagine how upset he’ll get at “From a Distance”!
