April 29, 2005

UN Your Big Mouth In

UN Your Big Mouth

In a few short years, dear reader, the United States Senate may well have the opportunity to vote on prospective United Nations ambassador John Bolton.

Why so quickly, you ask? Well, apparently Mr. Bolton has ruffled a few feathers in Washington, thanks to his purportedly heavy-handed management style.

Senators such as the esteemed John Kerry, whose own impressive management style helped him rack up a devastating loss in his recent presidential campaign, are deeply troubled that Mr. Bolton’s imperiousness may cause troubles at the UN. Senators such as Carl Levin, the most prominent elected official from the elfin community, appear concerned that the all-important UN ambassador from Cameroon may get a bit miffed by Mr. Bolton’s straight talking.

Incidentally, the senators who are angst ridden over putting a “bad manager” in charge at the UN also entirely disagree with Mr. Bolton’s take on foreign affairs. As you can imagine, dear reader, this hasn’t affected their decisions regarding Mr. Bolton’s confirmation. They simply have a fetish for good management.

And why not? As far as we can tell, the UN is chalk-a-block with masterful managers. Just take Secretary General Kofi Annan, a man so capable of great management that he has personally overseen some of the greatest calamities in the history of the United Nations. Mr. Annan’s laid back management style has led to great things for UN. Why, just ask his son Kojo!

But we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” believe that the Democrats’ passion for good management predates the nomination of Mr. Bolton as America’s potential ambassador to the UN. As far as we can tell, pretty much every Democratic president has been a dynamite overseer.

For example, dear reader, we offer William Jefferson Clinton, whose attention to detail with White House interns is a locus classicus of great management. Perhaps if Mr. Bolton hadn’t irked the North Koreans by telling the truth and had merely been fellated by their Elvis-impersonator-cum-tyrant, Senate Democrats would simply love him.

Quite frankly, dear reader, we can fully understand why Democrats want a gentle pushover at the UN, instead of the opinionated Mr. Bolton. When the Arab bloc offers another of its sundry “Israel is a racist country and the cause of all the world’s problems” resolution, we want someone who’ll gently disagree. After all, what’s the point of taking such a strong stand on the issue? It’s not like it’s a moral matter, or something.

That’s why we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” in order to placate our friends in the Democratic Party, personally endorse Tony Danza for our country’s ambassador to the UN.

Sure, Mr. Danza may not understand anything about politics. And, sure, he wasn’t that great on “Who’s the Boss.” But we’re certain he’ll be sufficiently cuddly to the apologists for tyrants and terrorists who make up such a large portion of the UN ambassadors.

In short, why have a Mr. Bolton when you can have a Mr. Rogers?

Posted at April 29, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack