May 10, 2005

The Women’s Center Asks the

The Women’s Center Asks the Tough Questions

Quotidian readers of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” are probably well aware of iris magazine, the esteemed publication of the University of Virginia’s Women’s Center.

Like pretty much all Women’s Centers at colleges nationwide, UVA’s feminist redoubt is bent on offering more than a source of incessant misandry. In addition, it aims at discussing some of the crucial intellectual questions that college students face.

Or so we gathered from a leaflet we received from a correspondent in our Charlottesville (VA) office. Said correspondent—let’s just call him “Chip”—sent us iris’ latest call for papers. And frankly, dear reader, if it doesn’t establish UVA’s Women’s Center as an intellectual powerhouse, pretty much nothing will.

The leaflet reads as follows:


Is Britney’s music toxic to your ears or do you see her as a girl-power sex symbol? Do you have a feminist defense of I Want a Famous Face or does the boob job boom make you ill? Are you a People person or does Terry Gross keep you In Touch?

Whether you eat it up or can’t keep it down, we want to hear your take on pop culture. Please send us your stories, articles, poetry, and art for the next issue of iris: Pop.

Pretty serious stuff, is it not? No wonder academicians consider Women’s Centers paragons of intellectual respectability. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are certain that this kind of serious endeavor is fully worthy of massive amounts of student funds. After all, who else is going to ask the deep, important questions?

In fact, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” found iris’ leaflet so compelling that we decided to offer our own humble submission.

Since we’re not much in the way of poetasters, and we draw about as well as the average autistic owl, we decided to compose an essay for the scintillating “Pop” issue of iris. We hope that it fully lives up to the intellectual heft of the entire “Pop” theme.

We call the essay “We, Like, Totally Love Britney,” and it goes a little something like this:

We, Like, Totally Love Britney by the Crack Young Staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”

We, like, totally love Britney. We mean, come on! She’s so awesome! We would collectively love to move like her!

Anyone who disses Britney is, like, so jealous. It’s not even funny. As if they could move like she does! As if!

And her boob job? Puh-lease. That is like so not the point. She looks great, and she has taught us things that are, like, totally important.

You know, like putting out. And stuff.

Britney makes us feel totally great about ourselves. She’s like our hero, or something. She’s like awesome. In fact, we have all cultivated anorexia in order to, like, be more like her.

Posted at May 10, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack