Enforcing Inequality—the Magazine

Enforcing Inequality—the Magazine

In months past, “Chip” spent his Tuesday afternoons perusing Newsweek. Yet, ever since said rag’s biased and inaccurate coverage caused the death of 15 people in Afghanistan, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have figured that Newsweek was strictly last week. If Newsweek’s famed Conventional Wisdom box featured Newsweek in its section, we have the feeling that the arrow would be pointing down.

And so, dear reader, we have collectively given the heave-ho to News Weak in favor of a more respectable publication. Hence “Chip’s” poring over the Winter 2004/2005 number of Workforce Diversity for Engineering and IT Professionals. After all, “Chip” figured, anything with as catchy a name as that simply has to be a great read.

Unfortunately, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are dismayed to report to you that Workforce Diversity for Engineering and IT Professionals is a bit of a downer. Normally, we are enraptured by pseudo-journalism aimed at enforcing legalized discrimination.

But this time it left us feeling a mite unsatisfied.

And why’s that, you ask? Well, dear reader, “Chip” first noted that the editor of Workforce Diversity for Engineering and IT Professionals is white. How disgraceful!

Granted, dear reader, the editor is a woman. But how are we supposed to take a magazine dedicated to social gerrymandering seriously when its own staff is run by a lily-white college graduate? Come on, Workforce Diversity for Engineering and IT Professionals magazine! Practice what you preach, for crying out loud.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader. Perhaps a white woman is suitably “diverse.”

To which we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quareterly,” respond: Au contraire, you fascist. Workforce Diversity for Engineering and IT Professionals magazine is the outfit of Equal Opportunity Publications, Inc. Couldn’t our friends at this holier-than-thou-sounding publishing outfit find a suitably talented transgender Samoan to run its flagship journal?

After all, dear reader, Equal Opportunity Publications, Inc. is the progenitor of such readable rags as African-American Career World, Careers & the Disabled, Equal Opportunity, Hispanic Career World, Minority Engineer, and Woman Engineer. As far as we’re concerned, such a saintly publisher should only hire quadriplegic Senegalese.

In addition, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” don’t find Equal Opportunity Publications, Inc.’s list of titles suitably “diverse.” What’s with the narrow focus on engineers? Doesn’t anyone dig ditches for a living anymore? If you ask us, Equal Opportunity Publications, Inc. is a deeply anti-blue-collar outfit.

That’s where we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” come in. We’re pleased as punch to offer a prospective list of new magazine titles for our friends at Equal Opportunity Publications, Inc.

“The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Official List of Prospective Magazine Titles for the Unsuitably Diverse Equal Opportunity Publications, Inc.

1. Lesbian Taxidermist Monthly

2. Narcoleptic Polish Big-Game Hunter Quarterly

3. Today’s Zoroastrian Plumber

4. WASP Middle-Management Weekly

5. The Wheel-Chair-Bound Hawaiian Carnie Journal