July 05, 2005
Live 8
Live 8
Call it a typical Generation Y conceit: Many of the dimwits who attended the different manifestations of Bob Geldof’s Live 8 concerts appear to have believed that ending poverty in Africa is as simple as listening to a handful of old Bon Jovi tunes. Or, perhaps more accurately, as difficult.Yet, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” simply can’t buy the notion that Live 8 was really about ridding the world of the scourge of destitution. After all, if it were, David Lee Roth would have performed.
We mean, come on: That guy’s career could use a big jump-start; he hasn’t eaten since his rancid version of “Just a Gigolo” fell off the charts. And he certainly needs a few bucks for more hair-dye.
Now don’t get us wrong, dear reader: We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” utterly detest poverty. And, as official members of the Microwave Ramen Noodle Impoverishment Club, we think we know about the subject of impecuniosity first hand.
In fact, we have a collective hunch that we care more about ridding Africa of penury than does, say, Robert Mugabe. But we simply don’t think a handful of feculent concerts featuring Paul McCartney’s tired retreads of Beatles ditties is really going to do that much.
As those who diligently followed the vicissitudes of Live 8 well know, the concerts weren’t even indebted to raising money for Africa. Rather, they were intended as a kind of sub-musical passive-aggressiveness aimed at the world’s G-8 nations. It’s Bjork’s way of bitching.
Now, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are not George W. Bush or Tony Blair. Believe us: We checked. Accordingly, dear reader, we aren’t exactly the intended audience of Live 8. And yet we feel as if the concerts have raised some vexatious quandaries.
For instance, it is awfully difficult to take seriously pleas to reduce poverty when they are offered by ersatz musicians who, in a just world, would themselves be impoverished. After all, what kind of cruel universe rewards Jay-Z with squillions of dollars?
A moronic Music Television “video jockey” did offer one highlight for us from the Live 8 festivities, however. After taking in a geriatric performance by the superannuated members of Pink Floyd, this pinhead marveled at the fact that this group’s ditties had remained fresh so long. Some of those songs are close to 30 years old, he mused.
Well, gee: We suppose we’ll have to relay that message to J.S. Bach. We bet he’ll be really impressed.
