July 18, 2005
Warning: Another Extreme Opinion A
Warning: Another Extreme Opinion
A few days ago, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” offered up what we believed to be a markedly immoderate opinion—namely, that all rock-n-roll musicians should be killed. Frankly, we were a bit hesitant about the brouhaha that such a view might stir up.Perhaps you may not know this, but a goodly portion of our readership is made up of erstwhile pop music divas, and we had no idea whether we would offend them.
As it turns out, dear reader, quite the contrary. Not one soul sent us an e-mail of chastisement or contumely. In fact, one reader even suggested that our whole “kill rock musicians” shtick was actually quite tepid. If this, our correspondent brayed, is the kind of opinion you deem “extreme,” you folks are awfully tame.
To be honest, dear reader, this e-missive riled us up a bit. Are we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” really a gaggle of spineless jellyfish? Do we merely pretend to pour scorn and opprobrium on others?
Those are the kinds of thoughts that are likely to drive a good man insane. Or a good woman, for that matter.
Accordingly, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” decided to regroup. We were going to come up with a far more extreme opinion, if it took all week. We were going to show this correspondent that we’re more offensive than Bea Arthur in a thong.
Without any further ado, then, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” blithely present:
Extreme Opinion the Second: In Praise of Anorexia
Now, dear reader, the females here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—who make up roughly 47 percent of the staff—want you to know that we don’t esteem hardcore anorexia. We don’t want anyone to wind up in a hospital or anything. And we’ve always thought well of Simone Weil.
But mild anorexia doesn’t bother us at all. In fact, we quite like it.
Those women who suffer from a clement form of anorexia are merely attempting to become sufficiently thin so that they don’t have to date anyone who earns less than $100,000 per year. The males here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—who make up roughly 47 percent of the staff—find this very irksome.
So, fine, Ms. Thin: Don’t date a fellow without a lot of cash. We’re going to take our thin wallets and buy ourselves a sandwich.
