July 21, 2005

Somebody Leaked We, the crack

Somebody Leaked

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” pride ourselves on keeping up with current events. Accordingly, like any member of the smart set, we read The Boston Herald. If that storied paper isn’t covering the story, it isn’t a story anyway.

Recently, dear reader, we took a gander at the ole’ Herald (which we like to call the non-international version of the Herald Tribune) and discovered that a presidential strategist named Karl Rove may have leaked some information about a non-undercover agent at the Central Intelligence Agency. Apparently, the talking heads can’t stop dilating on the story.

Well, we figured, this humble “post” should be an excellent opportunity for us to get our thoughts across about the whole brouhaha. After all, we don’t want to miss out on a hot story, and have egg on our collective face.

Why, if we did, we’d look as bad as The Nation, which seems to have missed the whole story about Communism. It turns out that Communism wasn’t that good. Who would have thunk it? Certainly not Victor Navasky.

Anyway, we’d like to offer our humble views on what we have mellifluously dubbed “The Karl Rove Leak Brouhaha,” or “Leak-gate.”

First, we’d like it to be known that we don’t like the words “Karl Rove” and “leak” being used in the same sentence. Especially when reporters ask rebarbative questions such as “Did Karl Rove leak to Matt Cooper?” This all leaves very unpleasant imagery in our collective imagination.

Second, we’d like to take a completely different angle on the story—as we are so often wont. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can’t figure out why Valerie Plame would marry Joe Wilson.

We fully realize, dear reader, that most pundits would consider this line of argument tangential at best. But we don’t think so. We mean, come on: Joe Wilson has simply got to be one of the most unpleasant human beings in world history. And that, given such beastly characters as Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, and Maury Povich, is saying something.

Every time we see this floppy-haired popinjay on our television, he boasts a sneer so unpleasant you’d swear he just ate a box of prunes.

In our humble estimation, then, Karl Rove needs to take a leak on Joe Wilson. Admittedly, it’s not a very mature opinion, but sometimes childish dross is just what this country needs. In fact, if Karl could save a few drips for Dick Durbin, we’d be much obliged.

Posted at July 21, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack