Water Myths Greetings, loyal readers

Water Myths

Greetings, loyal readers of The Hatemonger's Quarterly. Your Maximum Leader of Naked Villainy is here for day two of the best "guest weblogger" gig on the whole Albert Gore invented internet.

Today, your Maximum Leader chanced upon an interesting headline on the news wire. The headline was "'Myth' that forests improve water flow." Your Maximum Leader was duly intrigued and clicked through and read the article.

It appears, although we are no expert in such things, as though a myth has been promulgated by various environmental groups around the world. The myth is (was?) that planting trees would improve water flow and prevent erosion.

According to a study recently released in Oslo, Norway (which your Maximum Leader is lead to believe is a heavily forested country) trees may actually impair water flow. Many trees, it seems, like water. While they may in fact prevent erosion, the trees drink lots of water.

If one lives in a nation that (presumably) has no shortage of potable water (like Norway) trees wouldn't be a problem for you. But if, on the other hand, you live in a dry country (like Mexico) planting trees would be a very bad move. In dry nations planting trees can actually make droughts worse and sap up drinkable water supplies.

Just two months ago you may remember that another study disputed the widely held view (myth if you will) that the Amazon jungle is the "lungs" of the Earth.

What wonders are given to us by science? Now we know that trees drink too much water and don't produce enough oxygen for the world.

Where do these revelations leave us?

Should we ignore the Lorax?

Is it no longer safe to hug a tree?

Your Maximum Leader is rapidly coming to the conclusion that trees are part of the problem. What precisely "the problem" IS can be a tricky question. But if oxygen and clean water are part of the solution; trees are the enemy. Perhaps as the US and other nations urge revisions to the Kyoto Protocols we should urge the United Nations to set up a commission to study the problem of trees.

In the meanwhile if you are unsettled by the thought of killer trees drinking your water and slowly suffocating you, know that you can get away from it all. Take a wonderful vacation with your friends at the Sierra Club. They will allay your fears about trees and make you a better person through increasing your awareness and understanding of the planet around you. Check out their great Donner Pass vacation package. (Cannibalism extra.)

Carry on.