August 16, 2005

In Praise of the Paparazzi

In Praise of the Paparazzi

Careful readers of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” may have recognized that we often use this space to criticize, condemn, and spite. Oftentimes, in fact, this humble “weblog” is downright intemperate, if not nasty.

Accordingly, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” aim to use today’s humble “post” as an opportunity to praise an oft-scorned group of people. Unlike so many of the others, this installment of our humble “website” will aim at making some bottom-dwellers feel good about themselves, rather than contemn those of ineluctably greater stature than the crack young staffers.

We’d like to think that our time on Al Gore’s Internet hasn’t been completely frittered away. We’d like to do a little good, to give a little back to the people.

Perhaps you are wondering about the focus of today’s laudation. If so, you clearly haven’t read the title of the “post.” Which is a tad odd, since the title is rather big and bold. Geez: What’s wrong with you?

Anyway, our subjects are the loveable creatures collectively known as the paparazzi. Turn to any high-quality publication—like People, for instance—and you’re likely to encounter withering denunciations of these lowly photographers.

Apparently, media types have warm feelings about such odious thugs as Al Sharpton and Hugo Chavez, but have nothing but contempt for the paparazzi. In the eyes of millions, these people are worse than child molesters.

To be totally honest, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” haven’t the faintest idea why. As far as we’re concerned, the paparazzi are simply magnificent.

After all, these nosy photographers may be destroying people’s lives, but they’re destroying the lives of people such as Kid Rock. That deserves some sort of collective medal in its own right.

Yes, the paparazzi can be invasive and disgusting. But, heck, there ought to be some price for fame if you’re as preternaturally bereft of talent as Hugh Grant. Lindsey Lohan absolutely deserves a pack of money-grubbing nitwits chasing her all day: Someone needs to destroy her life.

Perhaps, dear reader, it seems lowly of us to esteem people who ruin Lindsey Lohan’s life. If you think so, you obviously haven’t seen that feculent “Herbie” picture she’s in. It single-handedly ruined our lives, and we think the paparazzi should return the favor.

Posted at August 16, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack