September 02, 2005

Meet Our New Friend Perhaps

Meet Our New Friend

Perhaps we have mentioned before that one of the interns here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—let’s just call him “Chip”—spends his entire workday scanning the local newspapers’ personal advertisements, in search of interesting topics of discussion for this humble “weblog.”

Naturally, “Chip” hunts the personals for professional reasons alone: He purchased a Russian mail-order bride months ago. Accordingly, he needs a date as much as Courtney Love requires a drug problem. (Come to think of it, that’s a rather apt analogy.)

Anyway, a few short days ago, “Chip” spotted a particularly interesting advertisement in one of the area’s feculent freebee rags. The man who took out this ad appears to be a rather lonely guy. His compelling personal ad reads as follows:

Married WM, mid-40s, 5’11”, 200lbs, crossdresser, getting no action at home, looking for someone to introduce me.

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: This fellow wants an introduction; isn’t that sweet? What a darling! Clearly, as we mentioned above, this is one lonely critter.

Always willing to help a man (or, in this case, a semi-man) down on his luck, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have decided to dedicate this humble “post” to introducing our new friend. Since our bosom buddy (pun intended) hasn’t informed us of his name, we’ll simply refer to him as Mr. Shhh.

So, dear reader, allow us to introduce our pal Mr. Shhh. He’s pretty much a regular guy: He is “getting no action at home”; he’s married; and he’s a cross-dresser. Oh, and did we mention that he’s seeking someone with whom he may have an adulterous affair?

Wouldn’t Mrs. Shhh be upset if she knew her perfidious husband was taking out ad space in the local paper to score with an anonymous pervert? Why don’t you, dear reader, welcome Mr. Shhh into the magical world of adultery? We’re sure this randy devil will make it worth your while, provided you dig 5’11”, 40-something 200-pounders. And we know that you do.

Well, Mr. Shhh, there’s your introduction. Free of charge, no less. We certainly hope that you are successful in finding a lactating she-male, with whom you can finally fulfill your deepest Freudian desires.

Posted at September 2, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack