October 18, 2005
We Really Didn’t See This
We Really Didn’t See This One Coming
As the regular devotee of this humble “weblog” well knows, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are worldly experts in the worldly world of journalism. News, you might say, is our business. And business is good, thank you very much.Accordingly, dear reader, one has to get up awfully early in the morning (say, around 3:16 am EST) in order to put one past us. We positively live and breathe the news, and very seldom will a report come across our desks that surprises us.
Want proof? We had a collective hunch that President Bush was going to select Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court. Okay, so we didn’t say so before the actual nomination was announced. But we didn’t want to brag. It’s so unbecoming.
As a result, dear reader, we would like to think of ourselves as a passel of media experts who fully understand the ways of the world. Kind of like Judith Miller, only not self-obsessed, lying morons.
Imagine our surprise, then, when we took a gander at sundry news reports that mentioned the lawless chaos breaking out in the newly Palestinian-controlled Gaza Strip. Who would have seen this Palestinian violence coming? Certainly not us.
Ever since we were even younger crack young staffers, we had learned from countless opinion-makers that the so-called Israeli occupation was entirely responsible for Palestinian violence. It was hard to argue with this brand of impeccable logic. Sure, the 1948 and 1967 wars predated the so-called occupation, but, hey, maybe those were just Zionist plots, or something.
Once Israel left the Gaza Strip not so long ago, we, like countless European toadies, fully expected the area to become a paragon of peace and tranquility. After all, the evil Zionist oppressors were now gone.
Sure, they were still responsible for the world’s evils: Hollywood; the WTO; the fifth season of “Full House”; &c. But at least these Zionist dogs had finally left the peaceable Palestinians in Gaza on their own. Democracy, peace, order, and civility were sure to return to the de-Judaized Gaza. May Allah be praised.
Well, what happened? We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have determined that those peaceable Palestinians are now busy killing one another. To be sure, this is something of a break from the usual suicide bombings. But it still ain’t great.
Like everyone else, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can’t wait to read Palestinian apologists’ tortured rationales blaming the Israelis for this violence as well.
