October 26, 2005

Business Associates Over the course

Business Associates

Over the course of our wild run on Al Gore’s World-Wide Web, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have occasionally shared some of the heartwarming e-mails we receive from readers who appear to hate our guts. As you might well imagine, dear reader, such uncouth e-missives are greatly outnumbered by charming fan mail. Even so, our Official E-Mail Intern happens upon the occasional nasty letter. It’s all part of an hour’s hard work.

Yet, in sharing such reader mail with you, dear reader, we may have given you the mistaken impression that darn near every one of our correspondents aims at figuratively tearing us a figurative new one. In today’s humble “post,” we want to inform you that this is simply not so.

In fact, curiously enough, a goodly number of the e-mails we receive each day don’t even appear to be specifically addressed to us. Yes, yes—they arrive in our e-mailbox, and thus they clearly were sent to the crack young staff. And yet the contents of these e-mails seem so strange that they simply couldn’t have been sent with us in mind.

After a cursory search around the Internet, our Official Technical Department has discovered that these e-epistles may be what are called “spam.” Either way, they’re supremely irksome.

Sure, every once in a while an example of “spam” winds up being useful. For example, did you know that one can lay one’s hand on all manner of drugs without recourse to a prescription? Sounds odd, but it’s true.

In addition, it appears to have been the result of “spam” messages that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have discovered that we are sufficiently fortunate to have won the Canadian lottery at least a dozen times. This is good news.

Unfortunately, though, Canadian money isn’t worth anything, so we never troubled ourselves to respond to the selfless individuals at Canada Lottery Headquarters in Moose Jaw. We know, we know: We’re a bunch of hosers, eh.

We should also mention the large number of business offers we have received from down-on-their luck types who inhabit sundry failed states. Frankly, we aren’t quite sure what it is about our “weblog” that attracts so many intriguing opportunities: Do we seem like natural born tycoons?

It would appear so. Nary a day goes by, it seems, when some plucky fellow from Dubai doesn’t send us an urgent message. This character has all kinds of cash in his possession, and merely needs our bank account information in order to send it to us.

Sounds like a good deal, eh? But our deep-pocketed financial backers do not allow us access to a bank account. We suppose it’s our loss, and someone else’s gain.

Posted at October 26, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack