The Pigeon Lobby

As everyone who doesn’t read frighteningly right-wing magazines such as Newsweek, Time, and The New Republic well knows, Jews run the world. It’s unfortunate, perhaps, but it’s true: In this day and age, only Zionist-approved people and products succeed.

Hence the career of Pauly Shore—surely one of the most disgusting examples of Israeli control imaginable. Have you seen one of this clown’s insipid movies? Man, they make Carrot Top look like Orson Welles.

Of course, dear reader, we’re not telling you anything that fancy researchers at fancy schools such as Harvard and the University of Chicago haven’t said. And, unlike us, said researchers have done so with copious footnotes referring to such fancy “websites” as Counterpunch. Heck: If you can’t trust Alexander Cockburn, whom can you trust?

Yet, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” do not intend to leave you with the (erroneous) impression that our Hebrew friends run the universe without any competition. There are, it seems, numerous other Lobbies out there (note the insidious capitalization), which give the Jews a proverbial run for their non-proverbial money.

And we’re not just talking about Gore Vidal.

Allow us to offer you one small example. Thanks to the efforts of a charming “weblog” called “The Colossus of Rhodey,” we learned of the following story, which appeared in the august pages of The New York Post:

November 16, 2007 -- In calling pigeons "flying rats," City Council Speaker Christine Quinn might as well have used "the n-word," an animal-rights group charged yesterday.

After Brooklyn Councilman Simcha Felder this week proposed fining pigeon feeders $1,000, Quinn said she had "no use" for the "flying rats."

Urban Wildlife Coalition founder Johana Clearfield wrote Quinn, slamming her as "clueless," since "pigeons have nothing in common with rats" - and calling her comment an "epithet . . . much like the n-word."

Behold the power of the Pigeon Lobby. Refer to our fine feathered friends as rats, and someone will liken you to a Klansman.

We wonder if Ms. Quinn had black pigeons in mind. That sickening racist.