Stephen Harper, Rock Star

It’s a horrible admission to make, but we simply have to face the music and be honest: We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” don’t often think of Canada. Now, don’t get us wrong, dear reader. We don’t harbor any disdain for Canadians—or at least not for the non-French-Canadians. Well, or at least not for the non-French, non-America-bashing Canadians. You get our drift.

Still, ensconced in the comfier purlieus of these here United States of America, we seldom reflect on our neighbors to our north, unless, perchance, they rename one of their provinces some vaguely unpronounceable Native American word. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

But we have had plenty of reason to reflect on Canada of late. And, no, not because it allowed us some respite from the constant drone of Paris Hilton the Convict related hubbub. And, we must add, not because some new Rick Moranis vehicle has hit the theaters.

No, dear reader, we have pondered our little Maple Leafs to the north for another reason entirely. As someone called Matt Drudge “posted” on his Internet “website,” Conservative Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has refused to call Bono, the tonsorially-challenged rock star who moonlights as the self-obsessed personification of a panacea for world hunger.

According to a dubious outfit named Reuters, Bono aimed to speak with the Prime Minister in order to browbeat him into carting off donkey loads of cash for corrupt governments in Africa, to ensure that few starving Africans eat anything, but lots and lots of brutal dictators get their hands on AK-47s. And, as it turns out, Prime Minister Harper would have none of it.

To which we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can only respond: Bravo, bravo, bravo, Prime Minister Harper! We knew there was a reason we esteemed you more than your predecessor. Like us, you recognize that nothing irks a good man quite like a maddeningly rich rock star forcing other people to fork over their money—in between bouts of shagging supermodels, no doubt.

The end of the Reuters report, however, sends Prime Minister Harper crashing back down to earth. Did he agree to a colloquy with Elton John? Does he speak regularly with Billy Joel?

Nope. It’s even worse:

For the record, though, Harper said he liked the music of Bono’s band, U2.

Boy, and they say that the Canucks care more about culture than we troglodytic Americans.