The “Rapid Rebuttal Force,” or Is Madeline Albright a Woman?

A few days ago, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” saw a vaguely humorous article in the good ole’ Daily Torygraph, London’s charming right-of-center broadsheet. “Linked” on the Drudge Report (so you know it’s true), the piece detailed the strong support Geraldine Ferraro has offered to Sen. Hillary Clinton’s presidential bid.

The article begins as follows:

The first woman to run on a US presidential ticket has promised her friend Hillary Clinton that she will help her fight Republican "dirty tricks" in the race for the White House.

"The only thing that can stop Hillary becoming the next president would be smears and dirty tricks," said Geraldine Ferraro, the Democrats' losing 1984 vice-presidential candidate. "I've told her I'll go anywhere and speak any time to make sure that doesn't happen."

She outlined her plans for a display of female solidarity with the Democratic presidential frontrunner last week in an interview in her office overlooking Ground Zero, where the World Trade Centre once stood in lower Manhattan.

Miss Ferraro, 71, now the managing director of a large corporate public relations and consultancy firm, has joined the former US secretary of state Madeleine Albright and Billie Jean King, the former tennis star, in a "rapid rebuttal force" of well-known women on standby to defend and promote Sen Clinton's candidacy.

Oh, dear. Geraldine Ferraro is already worried about “Republican dirty tricks”? Someone might want to inform her that Sen. Clinton has to win the Democratic primary before she can do battle with those odious Republicans. Perhaps our Democratic pals won’t take too kindly to the idea that Sen. Clinton’s camp believes it already has the primaries in the bag.

But, of course, Ms. Ferraro’s optimism wasn’t what struck us about this story. Rather, it was the supposed creation of an all-female “rapid rebuttal force”—a kind of superannuated female Super Friends.

Ah, yes: What would Sen. Clinton do without the deep political knowledge of Billy Jean King? Perhaps, with a little aid from Martina Navratilova, she could really rake in the aging lesbian tennis star vote.

But surely Ms. Ferraro’s boasting is almost as ridiculous. We mean, come on: Geraldine Ferraro is going to save Hillary Clinton from John Kerry’s fate?

Uh, someone ought to remind Ms. Ferraro of her high-powered performance in the 1984 presidential race. If we recall correctly—and we believe that we do—polls suggest that she offered absolutely no help to her boss, the hapless Walter Mondale. In fact, voters were just as likely to vote against the Mondale ticket due to Ferraro’s presence as they were to vote for it.

Again, if we recall correctly (and, again, we believe that we do), the Mondale-Ferraro ticket wasn’t too much of a success. Perhaps good ole’ Geraldine would like to exhort Pete Dupont to help with her “rebuttal force.”

Sure, Mr. Dupont is both male and a Republican. (Two strikes.) But, with his impressively futile run for the presidency of the United States under his belt, there’s no way he couldn’t help out.