Your Crappy Little �Weblog� Takes 15 Million Years To Load

As regular readers of this humble �weblog� might well imagine, dear reader, lots of things annoy us. Blame it on our un-sunny disposition. It�s sad, but it�s true: You name it, it bugs us to no end.

Yet we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� must insist that certain things vex us far more than others. Take, for example, Billy Joel: If you�ve ever had �Only the Good Die Young� in your head against your will for hours upon hours, you know that this man�s music is the aural equivalent of slavery. Simply put, everyone should detest it.

Nor is Billy Joel alone in his ability to irk. Rather, more than a few other things trouble us about as much: The fanatical nutters who run the theocracy in Iran; the left-wing dolts in the West who believe that we have more to fear from evangelical Christians than the fanatical nutters who run the theocracy in Iran; George Clooney.

In today�s humble �post,� however, we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� aim to discuss an irritating phenomenon related to Al Gore�s World-Wide Web. We believe that we�ve mentioned it before, but we find it sufficiently enraging to bring it up anew.

We refer, dear reader, to �weblogs� that take three squillion years to load. For some reason, particular �webloggers� enjoy offering their readers �websites� that take so long to appear on your computer screen that you might as well paint the house whilst waiting for it to load.

How enraging is this? Look: If the Internet isn�t faster than a telegram brought to you by rickshaw, you might as well throw your darned computer out the window.

Now, admittedly, dear reader, the molasses-like slowness of some �weblogs� can be partly blamed on our lame staff computers. It turns out that the TRS-80, despite its other benefits, just doesn�t download terribly quickly. Naturally, it makes up for that with a wonderful version of �Pong,� but it still ain�t on the leading edge of technology. Even in the Ivory Coast.

And yet we don�t think our slow computers are fully to blame. Lots of e-auteurs seem to revel in all sorts of bells and whistles on their �weblogs��the kind of pap that makes it take three thousand years for the measly content on their �website� to appear.

Sure, we have about as much patience as a fruit fly. But when you�re going to read on the Information Superhighway, it�s rather a drag to be stuck in the breakdown lane.