Fearless “Boob Swapping”

Among the sundry things about ourselves that we don’t like to admit, dear reader, is the fact that we regularly read the Huffington Post. As far as we’re concerned, telling people that you so much as scan the old Huff Po is tantamount to confessing that you enjoy child pornography. Or that you sleep with Nancy Grace. At any rate, something really, really bad.

For us, however, Arianna Huffington’s exercise in e-self-celebration is much like a car wreck: We don’t want to watch, but we can’t keep our eyes away. (For some reason, Arianna isn’t the same way; in her case, we don’t want to watch, and we most assuredly can keep our eyes away.)

One particular part of the ole’ Huffy Po that we find particularly amusing is its “Fearless Voices” section. Although the wealthy Ms. Huffington pretends as if this portion of her “weblog” is indebted to championing women with testicular fortitude (or some such), it’s obviously just a ploy to sell her latest insta-book, which boasts the word “fearless” in its title.

For some reason or other, the “posts” in the “Fearless Voices” section tend to be even more inane than the typical lefty palaver found elsewhere on the “website.” And we must say that it amuses us.

Take, for instance, a charming piece penned by one Lisa Goldstein called—and we kid you not—“Swapping Breasts.” Uh, “Swapping Breasts”? What in the good Lord’s name could that discuss?

Well, we’ll allow Ms. Goldstein’s first few sentences speak for themselves:

Apparently, there are some breastfeeding swingers out there who nurse each other’s babies. The babies are then known as “milk siblings.”

Ah, yes: Fearless voices! Does it get any more intrepid than a discussion of what Ms. Goldstein labels “boob swapping”? We collectively think not.

Well, not to ruin Ms. Goldstein’s magnum opus, but it turns out that she’s firmly opposed (if you’ll pardon the pun) to “boob swapping.” In fact, she finds it downright unsanitary—even dangerous.

Boy, we know what you’re going to say: How preternaturally fearless of her! What a profile in courage!

Sure, Ms. Goldstein never appears to have heard of a wet nurse. But, hey, she’s clearly spending all of her time either breastfeeding or committing other acts of outrageous fearlessness, so we suppose we shouldn’t hold that against her or her non-swinging breasts.