Don’t Make Us Beg, People

Perhaps you have yet to hear the news, dear reader. Yeah, maybe that’s your excuse. Well, whatever it is, it ain’t gonna’ fly any longer.

We speak, of course, about the “2006 Weblog Awards,” nominations for which are still being accepted. As far as we can intuit, dear reader, as of the writing of this humble “post,” you can count all of our nominations on no fingers.

You read that right: Not only have we failed to secure a nomination for, say, “Best Humor Blog,” or, say, “Best Blog That Uses the Word ‘Enema’ with Curious Frequency,” we’ve actually been blanked entirely. You name the category, we haven’t been nominated.

Now, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can fully understand our readers’ reticence in regard to this year’s “Weblog Awards.” As many may know, last year we were finalists in the “Humor” category, and we lost. In fact, we lost, as Peter Gabriel might say it, big time. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big.

In short, we were the Jamaican bobsled team of the bunch. Only not terribly cute, and bereft of charming accents.

Yet maybe, just maybe, this is our year. After all, we’ve jumped up in popularity of late, thanks to some mentions on a few fancy-pants “websites.” Further, we could always do with a nomination for a slightly less weighty category. You know, like “Best of the Top 2501-3500 Blogs.”

Sure, winning that lowly ecosystem category is kind of like beating out Della Reese in a marathon. Even so, a win’s a win.

So, come on, people: Don’t make us beg. Please, please, please, please, please don’t make us beg. We beg of you not to make us beg. &c.

As if it’s not lame enough to pine to compete in the “Best of the Top 2501-3500 Blogs” loser category, it’s even worse to nominate one’s own “weblog” for that pathetic competition. Don’t make us into a bunch of Lee Siegels, for crying out loud.

Man, the “2006 Weblog Awards” have only just begun, and already we’re ashamed of ourselves. We thought that “webloggers” didn’t care about the blandishments with which the mainstream media are obsessed. We thought that the “pajama brigade” was above this kind of narcissistic tomfoolery. But throw a hypothetical award for “Best Hat Design” at us, and we’ll jump all over ourselves to secure a nomination. How pathetic.

Oh, and by the way: Don’t forget to nominate us.