Foley-Gate: Is Anyone Else Bored?

Congressman Foley, Congressman Foley, Congressman Foley. Although there must be oodles of other things happening in the world—doesn’t Iran hope to produce a nuclear bomb or two?—everyone in these here United States can’t stop talking about the disgraced former congressman and his ephebophilic indiscretions.

Even a self-proclaimed serious news outfit like The New York Times is repeatedly splashing this sordid story on its first page, above the fold. Martians could attack the earth tomorrow and the media would still be yakking about Foley’s shenanigans. Sure, we’ll all have to spend the rest of our lives working in chain gangs on Venus as slaves to the evil Martians, but never mind that: Did you hear what ex-Congressman Foley did?

Are we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” the only ones fed up with this story? We mean, come on: It was interesting at first, but the obsessive coverage has made us well-nigh hope that some other calamity will strike us so that we don’t have to hear any more about this nonsense. Quick, someone blame the CIA for 9/11 again; anything but Foley 24/7!

Admittedly, Foley-gate (as it’s quickly been dubbed) has many of the telltale signs one associates with media frenzy: A closeted homosexual Republican, an elected official’s misuse of power, salacious e-mails. Still, these have only served to demonstrate how low most partisan commentators will stoop in order to use this sorry brouhaha to prop up their own ideological confreres.

For instance, as we pointed out a few days ago (and as David Brooks, curiously enough, pointed out yesterday in the Gray Lady), liberals’ shock at Foley’s actions stands in glaring contrast with their wholehearted championing of lesbian statutory rape in Eve Ensler’s clunker The Vagina Monologues.

We thought our lefty pals loved outré sex—especially homosexual outré sex. We guess they do, unless the fornicator is a Republican.

But the drive to denigrate Foley whilst championing homosexuality gets even lamer. Take this choice passage on the scandal from comedienne Margaret Cho, whom we like to think of as the husky Asian version of husky Janeane Garofalo:

What is infuriating about this issue is that the braindead homophobes out there will look at it as some kind of proof that homosexuality has something in common with pedophilia. It doesn't but some people are just that dumb, and the homophobic are very special kinds of a**holes.

Rep. Foley is obviously a deeply troubled individual, and this type of thing happens to people who want to live their lives in the closet. It's the karma of the closet. What comes around, goes around and eventually gets pushed out. Ah well, what do you expect from a Republican?

We know what you’re thinking, dear reader: That’s really pathetic. She begins her comments with a passionate defense of homosexuals from the barbs of homophobes. How dare the anti-gay zealots use this one instance of improper conduct to tar and feather all homosexuals?

After this rousing appeal, the husky Ms. Cho then decides to use this one instance of improper conduct to tar and feather all Republicans.

Boy, that was really well thought-out. No wonder our left-wing pals are always championing themselves for their tolerance.