It’s Getting Close

Longtime devotees of this humble “website” undoubtedly recognize that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” dislike tooting our own horn. And this has nothing to do with the fact that we never took horn lessons, and thus our tooting is sub-par. Rather, we don’t enjoy engaging in any kind of self-puffery.

After all, why would you need to stoop to such a level if you already ran one of the most luminous beacons of greatness on Al Gore’s World-Wide Web? Why trouble yourselves with obnoxious self-congratulations when you provide the gifts of joy and insight to so many across the world? We can’t think of a reason either.

As a result, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” prefer to lay low. We routinely shrug off the heartwarming praise of our squillion e-fans. Sure, sure, we say: We’re glad you enjoy our musings, but we aren’t exactly budding Hemmingways.

In fact, maybe we’re more like Maya Angelou. Execpt we’ve never been strippers.

Anyway, we are dilating on our impressive humility for a good reason. Pretty darn soon, dear reader, this humble “weblog” will reach another milestone. On the last day of March, 2006, it will officially be two years old. That may not seem so impressive, but it’s a lot longer than Hootie & the Blowfish’s career appears to have lasted. And it’s far longer than the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Thus the question naturally arises: What will the crack young staff do to celebrate this glorious e-anniversary? In dog years, this humble “website” would be ready for its bar mitzvah; doesn’t this warrant some kind of fete?

To be honest, dear reader, we’re not sure. For well nigh two years, we have been suitably fortunate to have all kinds of talented “web”-boosters. How could we do without the Vodkapundit, the Llamas, Dan the Carnivorous Conservative, the Peperium Clan, the Naked Villain, the Phinster, Sadie the Fist, the Wizbangers, et al.?

The answer, of course, is that we could not. Accordingly, we are contemplating some sort of 2nd Anniversary E-Soiree. Doilies, centerpieces, swing music, cigars—you know, we’d do it classy.

Perhaps we’ll get one of our most prominent “linkers” to present some kind of flattering harangue: Brit Hume (who once corrected our grammar in an e-mail); Andrew Sullivan; James Taranto; the guy whose “weblog” pertains to news about monkeys.

We wonder which of those guys will be available for the gig.