December 29, 2005

It’s That Time of Year Again

Well, dear reader, the “weblogging” community has hit its typical annual rut. As we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” recall from last year, darn near every “weblogger” spends precious little time on his “website” in the days between late December and early January.

Although we have not conducted a scientific study to demonstrate that this is assuredly the case, informal discussion around the office water-cooler suggests a particular reason for this almost omnipresent e-laziness. As far as we can determine, manifold Americans—as well as those from markedly less distinguished countries, like Canada—are celebrating Christmas and New Years with their families. This, it seems, keeps sundry “webloggers” away from their “weblogs,” and makes “surfing” the Internet about as fun as watching “Full House” re-runs. Without John Stamos.

Devoted readers of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” will undoubtedly realize, however, that the crack young staff does not take such perfidious e-breaks. It doesn’t trouble itself to “enjoy holidays,” or, more generally, to have a “life.” Heck no: Instead, we are dutifully punching the clock, ensuring that you, dear reader, have a daily dose of pseudo-humor. We’re as loyal to our fans as George W. Bush is to Harriet Miers. And that proved to work out pretty well.

You may think we’re about as funny as a groin pull, but we’re here all the same. As some famous person or other once said, “Quantity, not quality.” In addition to being the unofficial slogan of Denny’s restaurants, that phrase has always served us well.

More importantly for our purposes, the sudden dearth of e-commentary on the “weblogs” has, to put it politely, left our audience about as large as the average Japanese man’s penis. And, for those of you clueless about such things, that’s not very big at all.

Naturally, dear reader, this has simply enraged us. We’re doing our part, for crying out loud, and we feel that others should be doing the same. Get back to work, you dirty hippies! Stop lollygagging! As some famous person or other once said—albeit in a slightly different context—“Ask not what the Internet can do for you; ask what you can do for the Internent.”

Or words to that effect.

Posted at December 29, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack