May 07, 2004

An Exercise in Meta-Blogging We,

An Exercise in Meta-Blogging

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” don’t want to break our collective arms patting ourselves on our collective backs, but we have noticed that we have become rather popular in the Land of Blog. After all, we have only been in business for a bit more than a month and we have found something of a niche. We know this because our “weblog” receives more than three hits per day and we, the entire crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” only have three friends among us all. (Funny, that.)

So it seems as if we have successfully tapped into the people-who-despise-popular-culture-but-somehow-understand-references-to-Ray-Parker-Jr. demographic. And, man, what a lucrative demographic it is!

But before we indulge in a festival of amour propre, we should at least note that, in many respects, our competition isn’t that fierce. And this brings us to the topic of today’s edition of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”: Terrible “weblogs.”

Now, don’t get us wrong, dear reader: There are plenty of excellent items on the menu of Café Blog. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” particularly enjoy any “weblog” that makes positive mention of us, or posts a link to our site. Such “weblogs” are, as kids these days say, nifty-keen.

Yet there are countless subsidiaries of what Al Gore refers to as “my Internet,” and many of these stops on the Tour de Blog are strikingly wretched. In fact, it seems as if a web address is about as valuable these days as an apartment in downtown Detroit. You know the kind of “weblog” we mean: The type with scintillating titles such as “Jen’s Blog.”

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: The crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” is going to eat up the rest of this post grousing about sub-par “weblogs”—intermittent postings, bad grammar, no editing, tepid commentary, &c.

But this, dear reader, is where we go one better. Instead of offering a list of complaints, we are going to present you with hypothetical examples of atrocious “bloggery,” so that you can glean an impression of what rankles us without enduring our typical bleating. Without further ado, then, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” proudly offer our first examples of meta-blogging.

Example the First:
“Re-Re’s Bling-Bling Blog”

November 24, 2003
Word up!!! I went to the chillest, the illest concert last nizight. R. Kelly waz in tha’ house, you know what I’m sayin’? It was the chillest. And the illest.

November 22, 2003
I’m so psyched!! I got tickets to the chillest, the illest concert last nizight. R. Kelly is gonna’ be in tha’ house, you know what I’m sayin’? It’s gonna’ be off da’ hook. It’s gonna’ be the chillest, and possibly the illest.

November 20, 2003
Yo, yo, yo!! You know who I’m talkin’ ‘bout! Oh, yeah—that’s right! Re-Re’s back in the blizogosophere. She’s all up in your eye-hole. N’stuff.

November 18, 2003
Wassup!! I gotta’ give a shout out to my man Dr. Pathology. He’s the chillest, you know what I’m sayin’, bro?

Example the Second:
“Carl’s Blog Jam”

December 5, 2003
I want to apologize to all my fans out there. I can’t believe it’s been almost ten months since I last posted. Where has all the time gone? Don’t worry, though: in the meantime, I found this sweet article on turkey basting.

March 6, 2003
Wow, what a horrible day I had at work today!

January 3, 2003
Ted said the funniest thing last night.

April 12, 2002
I’m sorry it’s like been forever since I posted last. Still, I got word of an article on recent matters: the Falklands War is over. Read about it all here.

Example the Third:
“tina’s blog”

April 24, 2004
i am like soooo pissed at my boyfriend. we went to play put-put last night, and i was all like: that is so not my fault. and he was like: yeah right. anywho, i am major upset with him. i culd care lesss. not even my anni defranco albums are chearing me up right now. total bummer :(

April 23, 2004
i am like totally and i mean totally in love with my boyfriend. we are like so in luv. its awesome. he’s totally liek that guy in “romeo & julliet”. can things ever go wrong? when he was looking at me and the television last night, its like we so connected. ;-)

April 22, 2004
okay. this message is a total shout out to kristina. you know who you are babe <3. i was thinking: we are like totally the same person. we both like billy joel and we both are pschyology majors. its like were totally the same woman, you know. you go girl.

Posted at May 7, 2004 12:09 AM | TrackBack