July 14, 2004

Women (a.k.a. “Womyn,” a.k.a. “Wimmin”)

Women (a.k.a. “Womyn,” a.k.a. “Wimmin”)

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” know what you are thinking to yourselves: Oh, dear; today’s installment of this fine “weblog” might go a bit too far. Sure, the crack young staff can excoriate such moronic outfits as Abercrombie & Fitch (pun intended), but women? That’s a whole different ball of wax, so to say.

And, to be sure, many of our loyal readers are probably a tad nervous that today’s posting will degenerate into a tiresome rant about the fairer sex. In reality, however, nothing could be farther from the truth.

In order to prove our point, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” would like to offer the standard Some Of My Best Friends Are ____ Defense. You know what we are talking about, dear reader: If one ever makes a remark that could be deemed as in poor taste about a group, one simply clamors “Some of my best friends are [insert name of potentially offended group.]”

In this spirit, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” would like you to know peremptorily that some of the staff’s best pals are women. To be honest, however, we need not stoop to such a lowly, half-hearted defense. For, as regular readers of our humble “weblog” may be aware, roughly 47 percent of the crack young staff is female. And, if we ever gave them jobs that would allow them to present their own opinions, we’re fairly sure that they would have no qualms with today’s posting.

In fact, when a few of the gals at the office finish cooking us manifold baked goods, we might just ask them their opinion. Well, probably not—but we could.

So, dear reader, rest assured that today’s edition of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” would probably be deemed entirely inoffensive to the circa 47 percent of our staff that is female. Already that puts us far higher up on the gynophiliac totem pole than, say, Syria and Iran—two countries whose national sovereignty is of deep concern to our friends on the political Left.

But we digress. Let us get to the subject at hand. We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” find some women—particularly those who harbor radical feminist views—particularly irksome. From our vantage point, modern America does not appear to be the quintessential example of what our friends on the political Left call “the patriarchy.”

In fact, if we may be so gauche, may we suggest that both American men and women must tolerate numerous injustices? And, no: We don’t only mean Michael Bolton.

This is all fine and good, you may be saying to yourself. But what does this dismissal of a cardinal element of feminist thought (savor that oxymoron, dear reader) have to do with more general complaints regarding women?

Well, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” aver that many dubious feminist nostrums have seeped into the consciousness of sundry American women—whether they do or do not identify with feminism. As a result, dear reader, the average American male has to endure all manner of bleating regarding the dire injustices that purportedly oppress the weaker sex.

For instance, some women are always harping and harpying on the lack of female CEOs in the United States. Quizzically, however, these same dames don’t appear too bothered by the fact that the large majority of, say, garbage men are, well, men. Gloria Steinem and her minions aren’t likely to shout you down if you say “garbage man” instead of “garbage person.”

It turns out, then, that women tend to have a fairly stilted view of gender relations. Anything that is perceived to be a male prerogative is ipso facto repellent; anything that is perceived to be a female prerogative is ipso facto grand. So much for equality!

Take, for instance, the whole “equal pay for equal work” business. Let us dismiss, for a moment, the obvious complaint regarding “research” designed to prove that females earn far less money than males for similar jobs. Such “studies” are often conducted by such dubious pseudo-intellectuals as “Women’s Studies” professors, who should be treated with as much suspicion as the average member of Hamas.

Many women blather on about the appalling injustice of males’ purported higher salaries; yet these same women often desire husbands who make far more money than they do, so that they can live comfortably off their assets. So, “equal pay for equal work” really translates to “equal pay for equal work except for my husband, who must make far more than most gals, if he thinks he has a shot with me.”

Granted, the latter statement doesn’t make as nice a bumper sticker. But, if our female friends were honest with themselves, we have a hunch that they’d conclude that this is far closer to the truth.

Posted at July 14, 2004 12:01 AM | TrackBack