August 06, 2004
Milli Vanilli is a Weapon
Milli Vanilli is a Weapon of Mass Destruction
Recently, a correspondent from our Hanover (NH) office sent us a curious flyer. On it’s front side, this advertisement reads: “Fear is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.”Hmmm. Clearly, we thought to ourselves, this flyer—which also directs you toward this “website”—amounts to some kind of advertisement for far-Left political causes. Indeed, we can already imagine the feckless nonsense touted on the “website” right now:
President George W. Bush, a man who is both dumber than a post and an evil genius, has parlayed our fear into deadly political goals. Like allowing Israel to exist and attempting to save American lives. You know: That hegemonic, imperialistic sort of stuff.
We, the Pertinacious Youths Who Think That, at the Grand Old Age of 19, We Have Discovered All the Secrets of the World (PYWTTGOAWHDASW), urge you to join our cause, and end “Dubya’s” reign of error—and terror. In addition to excoriating the inadequacies of our current Cowboy-in-Chief, we shall dilate on the horrors of globalization, capitalism, and chain-stores.
Our next meeting will take place this Friday, at 4:30 pm, at the Starbucks on the corner of Main Street. We hope you aren’t too afraid to be there.
To us, that’s the kind of arrant palaver that a flyer reading “Fear is a Weapon of Mass Destruction” invokes.
But then we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” turned over the flyer, and realized that some writing was visible on the other side. It reads: “Faithless. The New Album, No Roots. In Stores July 20th, 2004. Featuring the single ‘Mass Destruction’ As seen on MTV.”
Oh, come on, we thought to ourselves. “Fear is a Weapon of Mass Destruction” is simply some dippy refrain to a ditty played by a band of “rock musicians” (savor that oxymoron, dear reader)! How pathetic!
To make matters worse, the record company responsible for this “band”—and for the advertisement, no doubt—is Arista Records. For those of you who have expunged this memory from your mind, Arista is the passel of geniuses that gave us such virtuosos as “Milli Vanilli.” You, dear reader, remember them: The dread-locked duo that lip-synced their already intolerably wretched songs.
And Arista has the gall to inform us that “Fear is a Weapon of Mass Destruction”? Since about 1984, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have lived in fear of Arista.
