Profound Political Insights from Colonel

Profound Political Insights from Colonel Qaddafi

It seems as though Col. Qaddafi believes that he—not Karl Rove, not John Kerry—was responsible for President Bush’s November reelection. Speaking on Italian State Television, the Colonel claimed that his decision to give up prohibited weapons “contributed by 50 percent to his electoral campaign.”

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” don’t mean to question Col. Qaddafi’s sentiments, but we have a hunch that he does not possess an impressive understanding of the American electoral system. Given the fact that Qaddafi believes that his country’s “power is now in the hands of the Libyan people,” it is possible that he lacks an impressive understanding of democratic governance.

In fact, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” consider his 50 percent figure so odd that we would venture to guess that he lacks an impressive understanding of mathematics. What are they teaching the kids in Tripoli these days?

Now, it seems, Col. Qaddafi yearns to reap the benefits of his previously unheralded Alliance with the Republican Party. In short, he desires nuclear technology for non-military goals. Are we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” the only ones who don’t feel totally certain that this is safe?

Yet this was not, dear reader, the only pearl of wisdom the Colonel bestowed upon his Italian viewing audience. In addition, Qaddafi unveiled his thoughtful ideas for the resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

His idea? Why, the creation of a bi-national state, of course.

If this were the Colonel’s only view on this topic, it wouldn’t be newsworthy in the least. After all, what Muslim leader doesn’t pine for a bi-national state that would allow the Palestinians to achieve a peaceful settlement with the Jews, and then allow them to massacre the Jewish population wholesale?

But this is where Col. Qaddafi goes one step farther than his fellow Muslim dictators. He’s come up with a name for this bi-national state: “Isratine.”

We know what you are thinking, dear reader: That sounds an awful lot like a name rejected by the company that finally settled on “Ovaltine.” Kind of like Preparation A through G.

As a result of his most recent ravings, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” would like to salute Col. Qaddafi. Sure, he’s a deranged authoritarian nutball. But in comparison with other deranged authoritarian nutballs, he’s so darned entertaining.