March 14, 2005

Progressively Alone In some of

Progressively Alone

In some of our more recent posts, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have harped and harpied on the witless advertisements that grace the upper portion of our humble “weblog.” Our caviling, in fact, has compelled numerous readers to send us an e-missive in defense of some of the fine products hawked on our glorious “website.”

To be honest, dear reader, they have a point. Not every advertisement is for anal itching cream or crème de menthe. A few appear to offer potentially useful products or services.

Don’t believe us? Then just check out this “website”: Concerned Singles.

For those of you who are unaware of this fine company, allow us to inform you that Concerned Singles is one of many dating “websites” targeting political progressives. It’s kind of like an International A.N.S.W.E.R. rally for lovers. It’s the perfect service for someone who’s a Pisces, loves wheat-grass, and digs Pol Pot.

And who doesn’t want a chick who showers.

Those who travel to the Concerned Singles “website” are first struck by the company’s ingenious tag line: “You’re Unique…We’re Unique.” From our perfunctory perusal of the “website,” it seems to us as if almost everyone who is advertising for a mate via Concerned Singles is “unique” in approximately the same way as everyone else. Everyone loves Che, organic foods, and yoga.

As such, the hook “You’re Unique…We’re Unique” has precisely the same meaning as does “diversity” on a college campus: Everyone is different because everyone agrees about everything.

Before one enters the personal advertisements section of the “website,” one first discovers Concerned Singles’ attempt at self-definition: “Concerned Singles is a well-known, highly respected, and scrupulously ethical progressive dating service.” This led us to believe that Concerned Singles was not for us: After all, we run an unscrupulously ethical “weblog.” How will we fit in? Perhaps we’re too unique?

In addition to informing their readers about themselves, the folks at Concerned Singles tell their visitors what they are like. “You believe that it is important that your life partner shares your commitment to peace, human rights, the health of our planet, and other humanistic values.”

Wow: These guys are way off. We’re actually hell-bent on war. But we are, we hasten to add, unique.

We particularly enjoyed the way Concerned Singles chucks “other humanistic values” at the end of its description, as if its staff can’t be bothered to list any more left-wing pieties. In addition, the phrase “humanistic values” is odd here: Is Concerned Singles advertising itself as a dating service for future Petrarchs and Boccaccios?

And what, you may be asking, about the personal ads themselves? Well, as far as we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” can tell, pretty much every ad comes from a college professor. It’s as if this is the University of Wisconsin’s private faculty dating club.

One ad struck as special. It comes from a grrl seeking an emasculated guy, and reads as follows:

A news writer and director of a nonprofit news agency, I am a voracious reader, an avid listener to progressive radio, and devoted to left-leaning politics, offbeat and classical culture, and family/friend activities. I’d like to see the movie Bad Education or a good opera. Rumba dancers are welcome. Knowledge of Malawi a plus.

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” know what you are thinking: Finally a woman who doesn’t discriminate against rumba dancers! How very unique.

Posted at March 14, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack