June 30, 2005

A Dubious Alliance A few

A Dubious Alliance

A few staffers here at the venerable “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” headquarters have recently decided to involve themselves in some interesting extracurricular activities. Although, naturally, it is simply scintillating to work for one of the Internet’s most prestigious daily “weblogs,” we would collectively be lying if we didn’t inform you that the atmosphere at “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” central has become a little stifling.

After all, pretty much everyone you meet in the office is named “Chip.” Accordingly, for a few of our humble staffers—let’s just call them “Chip”—it is simply imperative that they find some sort of group to join.

The only question that remains, of course, is: What club best suits “Chip’s” needs? A Young Foxhunter’s group? Nah, too predictable. And technically illegal in the UK. Pewter figure-making lessons? Nah, too macho. Hermaprhoditic lawn bowling? Nah, too complicated.

And then, dear reader, one of our humble correspondents sent us word of the perfect cabal to join. Its snazzy, Francophilic name is Alliance Marxist-Leninist, and it struck us as a refreshingly down-to-earth political cluster.

In fact, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have helpfully copied part of the Alliance Marxist-Leninist’s promotional flyer below, to which we have affixed our own humble commentary:

Allliance Marxist-Leninist

Alliance is a communist party organizing in the USA and Canada. It was formed in 1989 to promote principled, non-sectarian unity of Marxist-Leninists (as well as those new to communist politics).

So, the group was formed in 1989. Gee, what took place in the course of that year that may have made the fledgling Alliance cabal somewhat less cheery about the bright future for Communism? We collectively can’t think of a thing. And how, we wonder, can this passel of proto-Stalinists pride itself on “non-sectarian unity,” when it has left out the movement’s Trotskyist wing? That doesn’t sound so “unifying” to us.

This means unity should be based on basic agreement and honest debate about the lessons of the past.

Well, we know that we’re new members and all, but can we humbly suggest some “honest” points “about the lessons of the past”? We don’t mean to be spoilers, but, if we recall correctly, Marxism-Leninism doesn’t exactly have much of a storied past. Unless, of course, you consider the murder of millions and millions of people a storied past. And we’re not inclined to.

Alliance holds that only the Soviet Union, led by Lenin and Stalin, and Albania, led by Enver Hoxha, were moving toward socialism.

Gee, only them? Sweden is going to be so upset. But we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” are delighted that the Alliance left off the post-Stalin Soviet leaders from its list of tried-and-true socialists; they were an inveterate pack of humanitarians, if you ask us.

So, dear reader, if you pine to move society closer to the Soviet Union before the watered-down Khrushchev days, we hope you’ll join us at the next rousing Alliance Marxist-Leninist meeting. If not, we’ll be plotting your death.

Posted at June 30, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack